Without A Choice // The Maze Runner [Book 1]

NINE - FLASHBACK

"Mom, it's me, it's Leah, calm down!" I repeatedly said as I held my mother's flailing arms down. I had just returned from my daily walk and found her on the floor of her bedroom, flailing her limbs around and shouting inaudible words. 

"Let me go! You're a failure!" she exclaimed, spit flying around. I tried to block out the meaning of the words. They were nothing more than empty syllables caused by the disease affecting her brain and ability to think rationally, I told myself. 

I pressed her to the floor using my own body weight and waited until she calmed down. I held my eyes scrunched shut as she continued to throw insults at my head. 

"You're worthless! You can't help me! You can't do anything!" she cried out. 

After about thirty minutes, she calmed down. I carefully let her go and saw she had fallen asleep. I ran my hands through my tangled hair and let out a shivering breath. 

Mom was lying on the floor, saliva dripping from the corners of her mouth and tears falling from her eyes. I collected myself again after several minutes before I struggled to pick my mom up and place her on the bed, tucking her in tightly. I caught myself wanting to strap her down more securely. 

I fled to the kitchen, not forgetting to take my sketchpad from the bedroom and sat down at the table. I started sketching, not even paying attention to what I was putting on the paper. 

***

"Mom?" I whispered as I squatted down next to the bed. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and I immediately spotted her bloodshot eyeballs. Dark veins tainted her skin and a crimson shade made her eyes completely ridden of any white it once held.

Her cheeks were more hollow than they used to be and her eyes had sunken into their sockets. 

"Hi, honey," she breathed out as she turned her head in my direction. I smiled softly. 

"Do you remember what happened?" I asked carefully. 

"We just had dinner," she said. 

"What did we have for dinner?" I asked.

"Mashed potatoes," she mumbled. We'd had mashed potatoes three weeks ago.

"Okay," I softly said. I checked her temperature and noticed her forehead was hotter than usual, yet there was no sweat. 

"Mom, how do you feel?" I asked. No response. "Mom!" I shook her arm. She didn't wake up. "Mom, wake up!" 

Suddenly, her eyes shot open and her hands clasped around my throat. I fell back and landed on the floor with a hard 'thud', causing the small amount of air I had left to leave my lungs. I clawed through the air to push my mother off of me. 

I managed to lift my leg and kicked her in the chest, pushing her off of me. I gasped for air and coughed as her hands left my throat. I had barely enough time to turn back to my mother before she threw herself at me again. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders to keep her hands from reaching for my throat again. I already felt it bruising because it was throbbing painfully. I finally managed to pin her to the floor.

"Mom, calm down! It's me! It's your daughter!" I choked out. I hadn't noticed I was crying until I spoke up again. Her movements slowed down, giving me the chance to place her on the bed again. My eyes didn't leave her as I rushed for the closet and got out the emergency belts. I strapped her wrists and ankles to the metal frame of the bed. 

She looked at me with a murderous look in her eyes, but she remained calm. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and slid down the wall, wrapping my arms around my knees. 

My mother didn't leave my sight that night and the next morning, a dark, purple bruise covered most of my neck. I traced it with my fingers and hissed when I applied pressure. 

While I was cooling it with a wet towel, I heard a knock at the front door. I slowly lowered the towel in the sink and anxiously made my way to the door. I peered through the peephole and was relieved to see it was our elderly neighbour. I unlocked the door and let him in. 

"Are you alright? I heard noises," he asked, looking around the room. 

"It's fine, mister McDowell." I wrapped my arms around myself as I couldn't look him in the eye. 

"Oh my god, what happened to you?" He pushed away my hair to look at my neck. I flinched at his sudden touch and he retracted his hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he quickly said. I started shaking my head. 

"It's my mom, she got worse when I came back from the supermarket. She kept shouting these insults at me and eventually even threw herself at me, almost choking me to death." I got up from the couch to make him a cup of coffee and pour myself a glass of water. 

I sat down next to him again as I handed him the steaming mug. "I'm so sorry, Leah." He placed a comforting hand on my knee and I let out a humourless chuckle. 

"I just can't lose her," I muttered. Mister McDellow didn't respond to that, probably because neither of us knew what to say. 

We sat in silence until it was time to prepare dinner. He headed home and I knew I had to face my mother at one point so I stepped into the bedroom and found her, still strapped to the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

"Mom?" I asked. Her head whipped to the side. 

"Mom, it's me, how do you f-" 

"Kill me! I don't want this anymore! If you love me, kill me!" I instantly covered my ears and dashed out of the room. I sprinted to a corner and sunk down, letting out the immense fear that was surging through my body by crying and screaming.