Coffee and Books 1

Chapter 30

While I wait for Astera to return, I wander around the garden. It really is lovely out here, you would almost forget you are at the grounds of an apartment complex in the middle of the city. I'm surrounded by trees and bushes, seemingly planted without any garden plan in mind, which gives the garden a very natural feel. Some of the bushes have grown higher than my head and they are quite close together in this part of the yard. A big bumble bee flies right past me, startling me a bit with his loud buzzing close to my ear. He lands on a bush with big white flowers and I stop to watch him. I'm having a hard time remembering what this type of bumble bee is called, with its red behind. I should have paid more attention in my Biology class in high school.

Suddenly, my ears pick up on a sound behind me. The moment I am aware I'm not alone, an arm snakes around my waist and pulls me with my back against a strong chest.
"You are making it very hard for me to stay away," a familiar voice says above my head. "What are you doing here?"

Loki.

Acting on an impulse, I turn around and cuddle up against him. My face disappears in his open leather jacket. He's wearing Asgardian garments again, a sleeveless leather jacket like he wore to the gala, but shorter and simpler, a green sort of pullover and dark breeches.
"I've missed you," I sigh.

I can feel him tense up, but he doesn't let go of me. Instead, he adjusts his arm a bit and his free hand carefully brushes my hair to the side. I'm not surprised Loki knows exactly where I was injured.

"Good, the stitches are out," he mumbles. His hand moves down to my shoulder and traces the blue physio tape that helps support my shoulder. "Pain?"

I shake my head. "Only when I use it too much."

"And your head?"

"Same thing," I quip, finally looking up to him.

Loki meets my eyes shortly, his brows furrowed. His hand lingers on my shoulder and one finger lifts up my necklace before he takes a step back from me, his arms to his sides.

"Is something wrong?" I am suddenly very much aware of my impulsive act. I may have been a bit too forward, hugging him like that.

Loki doesn't answer, he just takes a deep breath, his face dark.

Alright, he's back to silent and broody again. Then I'll do the talking.
"Thank you," I tell him sincerely. "For everything! Thanks for getting me out of the car. And for going with me to the hospital, although I don't remember that part. And thank you for returning the necklace, I feared I'd lost it."

Loki snorts and runs his hands through his hair before rubbing his face.
"You are unbelievable!" He sounds desperate and his sudden emotional outburst shocks me. "You got injured because of me, and yet you thank me?!"

I just stare at him, not knowing what to say.

"You could have died, Ylva!" His voice is angry.

"But I didn't," I plead softly.

He doesn't react immediately and when he talks again, it's more like he is talking to himself. "You're human. A mortal. You could have died just because you were with me. Seeing you in that car... unconscious... Your uncle is right!"

"My uncle is right?" I ask surprised. "You agree with my family that I can't see you?" Now it's my turn to be angry. "Why? You didn't fire that rocket, did you? Some stupid asshole did that. Not you!"

Loki closes the distance between us and holds my face between his hands. He has a pained look on his face and his voice is strained. "You don't get it. You could get hurt just because you are close to me. I don't want to be responsible for that." He takes a deep breath and then adds: "This was a Midgardian attack, coming from hate and ignorance. But there are bigger dangers out there. Powers that want revenge..." His voice trails off and he steps away from me again.

I don't know if I should yell or cry. Maybe both at the same time. "Not being with you hurts too," I whisper, my voice breaking. Crying it is.

But this time Loki doesn't comfort me. He just stands there, a defeated look on his face.

My head is overflowing with thoughts, all tumbling over each other. Tears are rolling down my cheeks, but I'm really starting to get angry too. My family, even Loki himself, they all think I should not hang out with the God of Lies. Shouldn't I get a say in that too?
"I'm a big girl, you know," I state, angrily wiping away the tears from my eyes. "Yeah, the car crashed. But the way I see it, I could be run over by a taxi any day of the week. I don't see why being friends with you would change that!"

Loki just sighs, rubbing his hand over his face again.

"Yeah, you have skeletons in your closet, some of 'm huge. But I still like being with you. Call me stupid, call me a fool, so be it." I shrug, a defiant look on my face.

"A fool you are," Loki mutters under his breath.

"Maybe. But if I'm not mistaken you like hanging out with this soft-hearted human too. Isn't that enough?"

The dark haired god looks me in the eyes. It's an intense look, giving me goosebumps all over. "Human," he says slowly. "You're mortal. Compared to me, your life is just the blink of an eye. It would all be over before long."

I suck in my breath between my teeth. It's a thought I had entertained once or twice too: I would grow old and Loki would still be... Loki. It's an image I can't really wrap my head around, so I had casted it aside. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. If we ever get there, because it seems like Loki is very much aware of my fragile mortal state. And it's causing him to put up steel walls around him.
"Yes, I am human. Not much I can do to change that," I tell him defiantly. "I thought you would be up for a challenge. My mistake, I take it the Trickster plays by the rules now."

His eyes flash angrily, but he stands his ground. This is a tough nut to crack, my mortality really bothers him. Yet, he has shown lots of signs in the past weeks that he likes being with me. He pushed me away a couple of times, but he always came back or allowed me to get close again. The period since the attack is the longest I haven't seen him since I met him.

Suddenly, a thought crosses my mind. "How did you get them to let you ride in the ambulance with me? That's only allowed for family, right?"

The sudden change of subject catches Loki by surprise, blinking at me. Then he shrugs: "I told them you were my wife."

Now I'm the one surprised. A smile breaks through my anger. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's start with being friends."

"I don't know if I can just be your friend," Loki replies, not a hint of a smile visible. His arms crossed in front of his chest, he is all walled up.

Then I can hear Thor's voice calling for Loki. We both look up. "Thor is here too?"

"Council meeting," Loki replies curtly.

Thor calls again, sounding a bit impatient, and I make the instant decision to cut this short. I feel like I'm taking a huge risk, but I don't know what else to do. "You should go," I tell Loki, which causes him to flash his eyes at me in surprise, but he doesn't react any further. "Go, and make up your mind. You know where to find me."

And I walk away, leaving him behind. It takes all my resolve, but I try telling myself it's for the best. If he wants to be with me, he has to accept that I am human. And he has to make that decision for himself. I can't just will him to be with me.

I go around a corner and come across Thor.
"Lady Ylva, I didn't expect to see you here," he greets me.

"Neither did your brother." I walk past him. I'm not in the mood for talking. I'll go see where Astera is and tell her I'm going home.

Author's note:
Loki is back! What do you think?? Let me know in the comments please!