Unspoken

[middle school]

" all the things i had to tell you

were left unspoken

it made me sad;

left me heartbroken "

-M.O.W.

julia torrence

Not much changed through Kuser Elementary school. Elise and I met Felicity in sixth grade. I never clicked with her as fast as I did with Elise but we still got pretty close. Sixth grade is when my insecurities started to bring me down. I would look at Elise's hazel eyes and smooth burgundy hair and wish I had one of those assets. Then Felicity had light brown hair bordering on blonde and pretty gray eyes. I would compare that to my light brown hair and boring brown eyes. My hair wasn't light like Felicity's or a deep rich color like Elise's. By middle school, I was just a socially awkward girl with a lot of insecurities. I only talked to Elise and Felicity and occasionally socialized with the friendlier girls in my classes.

We were both pre-teens or on the border of being full fledge teenagers. When I would go over to your house we would have awkward conversations that only proved to be embarrassing. You were entering a rebellious stage and I could see it in the way you talked and dressed.

I was surprised when I saw you at the annual book fair. I was of course one of the students tending the stands and helping potential buyers. You caught me on a break surveying the books on the metal shelves. I had just picked up a book with a pale yellow cover when you sauntered towards me and stood with your legs shoulder width apart.

"When I pegged you a nerd, I didn't think it was that serious." You laughed while looking at the open book in my hands.

You had your hands shoved into the pockets of your black denim jeans. A curly midnight lock hung in your face and you pushed back. Even though your personality didn't make me like you, I couldn't deny you were growing to be really really hot.

"U-um," I blinked when I realized how stupid it was of me to stutter, "Yeah I guess I just like to read."

I put the book back and took a mental note to come back later and maybe buy Eleanor and Park. I turned to face you and instinctively wiped my hands on my plaid skirt. Ugh, it's so embarrassing to remember being such a fashion disaster but I didn't really mind. I actually thought my blue plaid skirt, which went with school colors and dress code, looked cute with my white frilly blouse.

"So did you need help, um, finding something?" I looked up at your cerulean eyes but couldn't hold your gaze for longer than a couple of seconds.

You seemed to enjoy my discomfort but gladly stayed civilized. And I use that term lightly.

"Actually yes." You quickly scanned the small area. It was actually close to closing time and barely any people were around.

You suddenly went a bit stiffer and you looked uncomfortable, "My mom wants me to get Ally a birthday present. She's, um, turning six and she loves to color and, um, she" You scratched your head, "She loves princesses." You rolled your eyes a bit and grumbled under your breath.

I tried to hide my smile by turning my head a bit and walking towards the children's section, "We have a great assortment of children's book here." I picked up a My Little Pony book and flipped through it. When I didn't see many coloring activities I decided to move onto another book. I immediately saw a pink cover and recognized the half a dozen princesses on it. I smiled when I flipped through it and saw many coloring pages.

I handed you the book, "Here's one. It has princesses and coloring pages. You can choose more if you want. I'm sure you know more about what Ally likes."

You looked at the book I handed you then back to me, "Yeah I'll see what else I find."

My lips lifted up into an automatic smile, "Yeah well I'll be by the register when you're done."

I stood awkwardly by the school's cash register and decided to sort out some inventory that was on the counter. Shuffling the glitter pens and arranging them in a plastic cylinder was what I occupied myself with until you stopped in front of the counter.

You set an array of three coloring books, a box of crayons and a sheet of princess stickers.

I looked at the items and then back at you, "Is that all?"

You ran a hand through your locks, "Yeah." You looked unsure.

I quickly double checked the prices and brought up the total, "That'll be $7.50"

You pulled out a twenty dollar bill from your leather wallet. You scoffed but smiled, "My mom gives me a twenty and I'm only spending seven bucks." You shook your head and handed me the crisp bill.

I felt bad so I threw out a suggestion, "Well you can always get her something else."

Ironically there was a stand of Ty beanie babies right in front of the counter. I picked out a caramel colored horse.

"Here. Give this to her also. It'll add five bucks to the total and you can spend the rest on something else she likes."

You gave me an incredulous look, "Like what?"

I rolled my eyes, "Like her favorite snack or candy. It doesn't have to be something big or expensive to mean something to her."

You raised an eyebrow, "She's six."

I shrugged, "She's human."

Your lips widened into a grin and you softly chuckled, "And the horse?"

You held the horse up by its middle.

I thought about it for a second, "Well she likes princesses and the prince always comes to rescue the princess on a horse."

I was looking down at my hands but when I raised my gaze to meet yours, your eyes held a shine. As if you were in awe.

"Tell her that and she'll understand. She'll love it. Guaranteed or your money back." I smiled while you looked almost blown away. But you quickly recovered.

"Alright. Um, thank you." You waited while I counted out your change and set it in your open palm. You left after muttering a small 'thanks' and I sighed before proceeding to close up.

I never did get the book Eleanor and Park.