ALPHA: Heir Of The Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Notes: Caleb's POV

* * *

'Gave up my life for love, but it still was not enough. . .'

* * * *

Out of the twenty-three years that I had roamed this earth, there had only been three specific times when I truly wished to die.

     The first marked the exact moment when I had evolved from a boy into a man. It was the first time I ever shifted.

     The second time had been more powerful than the first, so much so that it had changed me from a Luna-fearing, obedient wolf into one that struggled to maintain his dwindling faith. It was the night Emmy Grace was killed.

     And the third time, because of its bittersweetness, made it the most monumental. It was the first time I had ever truly felt what it was like to be completely and entirely whole. Mind, body and soul. It was in the exact moment that I first laid eyes on Ava-Rain.

Wanting to die was obviously not something out of the ordinary for me. Death would claim us all, and fearing it rather than accepting it only wasted time that was already too scarce and precious in this world. But when you finally received what you've wanted—begged for—for such a long time, sometimes it came more like a hard blow than a gift, and not even the long period of waiting in anticipation for the exact moment when you finally died could prepare you for the actual impact.

So I sure as hell didn't expect the first thing to hit me would be a piercing coldness. The sensation wasn't just physical, it was also emotional. Imagine every bit of warmth you ever felt—whether it came from a happy memory decades ago or from that very specific feeling that flooded your entire being from within when consumed by the power of love—was immediately sucked out of your system through an icy kiss and a promise of forever.

After the coldness came fear. As my body weakened with every passing second, I feared every breath that I took because I was thoroughly afraid that each one might have been my last. I feared for what I would be leaving behind. Feared what awaited me ahead. I feared the thoughts and images that began to muddle through my head. Thoughts of words I wished I would have said and faces I wished I could see one final time.

Next, came the darkness, and its blow, by far, hit the hardest. Imagine a night sky without a moon. A galaxy without its stars. A dreamless sleep during an endless night. I thought I knew what darkness was until the very moment I experienced its true nature, saw its true face and learned of its true power. Power that came from being the ultimate predator in a universe where it reigned as King, and we were all just flames of a candle living in a world lit up by our own tiny flickers of light. Power that forced me into seeing that although some of us might burn brighter than others, all it would take was one puff of air to put us all out because, with or without light, darkness would always exist.

  Lastly, came the peace. As my senses slowly receded one by one, the gentle hum of silence was like a lullaby, rocking me into a deep slumber of nothingness. An endless tune with no beginning nor end, harmonizing with the soft murmur of my slowing heartbeat, pulling me down deeper and deeper. And the last thought—the only thought—to wander through my mind was how I had never felt more alive.

That's what death felt like.

Or, at least, what it felt like every time that I looked down at my mate and was forced to accept that there was nothing I could do to help her.

No pleads loud enough to break through her unconsciousness.

No prayers powerful enough to force Luna into extending a helping hand.