ALPHA: Heir Of The Four

Chapter Nine | Part I

Chapter Notes: Ava-Rain's POV

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- 'If I could go back in time when you only held me in my mind. . .' -

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My hour was officially up.

     Seated on top of the island in the darkness of the kitchen was where Caleb found me. I didn't look up when he entered but instead kept my gaze lowered to the phone in my hands. Its backlight had long faded, but if it were to relight it would have revealed the phone number to my grandmother's house.

     That was how the third quarter of the hour had gone. Staring at the black screen, debating whether or not I should call and weighing the pros against the cons. But somewhere along the way, the idea of returning to live with my grandmother was lost and all of my thoughts had been silenced as my body basked in the comfort of the darkness. And then the last quarter of the hour entered, which consisted of me simply not wanting to disrupt the darkness nor engage in any more battles inside of my head. I had managed to find peace within the shadows. Even if I did not realize it then, it was perfectly clear now that I had spent those final fifteen minutes waiting for Caleb's return.

     Waiting for him.

     Because as mad as I was at him, despite the first half of the hour spent cursing his name, the day we met and the six days we had together, I would always want Caleb. I would always wait for him. My mind knew it. My body, heart, and soul knew it. Every fibre of my being knew it. Caleb was my destiny. My beginning and my end.

     "For months before we met, I used to have this dream at least twice a week." I continued to stare at the phone in my hands, my thumbs brushing over the black screen. "It always started the same. Me, in a forest, running away from something that I can't see or hear, but I know it's there and that it's close behind me. So I keep running and running, barely able too see ten feet in front of me because it's night, but with the help of the moonlight, I'm able to reach a clearing in the forest. When I do, I stop. The chase forgotten, the fear and adrenaline coursing through my veins ceases because in the middle of the clearing is a wolf. A big wolf with amber eyes and black fur so rich and thick that my fingers itch to run through it. I don't say anything to it. We just stand there looking at each other until I wake up."

     My eyes finally lifted and quickly sought out Caleb's. He stood in the kitchen's entry way, his blonde hair slightly disheveled as if he had run his hands through it multiple times. I could not accurately read the expression on his face due to the darkness, but something told me that the last hour had not been any easier on him than it had been on me.

     "Your wolf is black, isn't it?"

     He nodded once. "Yes."

     I smiled to myself as my eyes dropped back to my hands and the black screen of my phone. I stared at it for a couple of seconds before placing it beside me on the island. "You were a part of me even before we met." I looked up, determined to keep eye contact now more than ever. "You invaded my mind, you consumed my dreams. That was your territory that you hadn't even known you claimed. But now, you've claimed my entire being, Caleb. It terrifies me, to be invaded so easily and completely. You're like a freaking ball of sunshine, lighting up the darkest depths of my soul and although a part of me wants to reject it—reject you—a bigger part of me wants that light."

     My mind replayed his earlier words about my wanting happiness but being too afraid to fight for it. It was true. A long time ago I accepted that maybe happiness—true happiness—was not meant for me to have and, as result, I rejected even the slightest whiff of it. I invited the dark cloud to hover over my relationship with Kasey; it was my belief that our friendship would soon cease. I gave Jennifer the power to treat me the way she did. I used my grandmother's treatment of me to convince myself that I would never be good enough for anybody. I had convinced myself that my parents' death was a sign that I was not worthy of love.