Hate | kth+jjk ✔️

23

"Yes?"

He sighs, noticing that I am not going to start the topic first.
"What's wrong? Seriously..."

What's wrong? What is wrong that you know that I c—

"Look Jungkook. I know you self harm. Please, don't do it anymore please..." he pleas, holding gently onto my wrist, noting wanted to hurt the fresh cut on my wrist.

I wanted to say, I'm ok before footsteps were heard. "Jungkook...." I looked behind me and there was the others, looking shocked.

Waves of anger and fright came over me. Anger because they decided to hear our conversation and fright because, what would they think of me now? What they still accept me? Am I really just a useless being?

"I-I'm S-sorry..." I said as tears brimmed the edge of my eyes.

"When did this start!?" I could feel the sadness yet anger in their voices. I felt scared now. Taehyung just sat there, holding onto me. He didn't help me answer but then I knew he couldn't. Because I never told him this too.

"B-before d-debut..." I whispered softly, not looking at their eyes. I didn't want to talk with anyone. I wish I never walked out of the bedroom. I should have stayed in there.

"Why didn't ever tell us?! Did you do it after debut too!?" At this point, I was shaking, my forehead was sweating, my heart starting to race. I was scared as hell. I knew they were angry that I never told them. Taehyung had noticed this.
"Jungkook! Calm down please!" He says next to me. I didn't even realise the tears that I was holding in the whole time were spilling out now. He tried to hug me but I just pushed him away and cradled myself in a ball. I rocked myself back and forth with tears spilling out. I kept mumbling the words, 'I'm sorry..'.

"I'm sorry for ever existing. I'm sorry for never telling you guys. I'm sorry for being a burden to you guys. I'm sorry for always crying. I'm sorry for my parents, that they have to live with this 'accident'. I'm sorry for being a pathetic, useless excuse of a human!".

The others had stopped moving. Obviously shocked because of my words. "Jun-.".

I interrupted them. "I'm sorry for having so many problems in my life. I'm sorry for you guys living with me and always have to waste your times focusing on me and my problems. I'm sorry for everything..my life, my parents, my friends, my family...".

They tried to talk again but I interrupted...again.
"Maybe my parents were right. I am an excuse of an human. Maybe I do deserve those beatings that they did to me. I am useless, worthless. I don't even know why I am here in the first place. I shouldn't be loved by people around the world. I shouldn't even be in this group..."

"S-stop j-."

But before they got to talk, I had already stood up, running to the bedroom, locking the door. Right when I got inside, I collapse on the floor.

Why does everything in my life have problems? So many problems. I cannot deal with this anymore. I got up and ran towards my pillow, pulling out my blade once again.

I began to make 9 cuts across my wrist. I didn't care anymore. One for Jin.
"how he always care about me." I muttered.

One for Yoongi.
"For always being the savage hyung that I love."

One for Hoseok.
"For being the best sunshine in the world, always trying to cheer up people.".

One for Namjoon.
"For being the best leader in the world."

One for Jimin.
"For being the best brother I've ever had for the past 5 years.."

I hesitated on Taehyung's cut...but I still did it.
"For being the best boyfriend. I-I don't even know how y-you put up with m-me..."

For myself. I didn't have any reason. I already knew inside my head.

For my parents.
"I still love you guys, even I hate you at the same time...I deserve everything. M-maybe you were right after all..."

And for the world and ARMYS.
"I'm sorry for existing. I'm sorry for doing this to myself...I-i love you ARMYS..always..."

I dropped the blade, making it cause a clink on the floor. I looked at the fresh cuts on my arm as the blood rolls off my arm. I realised what I done before an explosion of tears covered my sight.

"I-I'm s-so Sorry..".

That's when I heard the bang of the door opening and my 6 hyungs standing in front of the door, gasping at the sight.

"Jungkook!?"
**

...i cried for Jungkook in this story so much while writing this.

I'm weird...

-McTae_Tae-