Fly Away - G-Eazy

10. Don't worry about me

Kayrah's POV

I slowly opened my eyes. Feeling the headache crawling in.

I felt like shit after the first blink.
But it wasn't even the hangover.
It was just how I felt.
I have these mornings.
Where I wake up feeling nothing but depressed.

I slowly looked to my left to see the bed empty. He left. I should be angry and dissapointed but I'm relieved. That I don't have to face him when I feel like that.
I don't want to see anyone in this state.

Yesterday's events started floating in.
Everything came back together.
I am so embrassed.
I feel ashamed.
Why the fuck did I act that way?
I picked up my phone and saw 3 missed calls from my mother and one missed call from Sofia.
I felt really dirty.

I put my phone down again and felt a tear fall down on my cheek.

I felt my depression again. How it slowly ate me from the inside.
I rubbed my head to make it go away.
To make this sudden emptiness leave.

The door of my bedroom opened and I wimped.
It revealed Gerald. He held his phone in his hand. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes.

I started wiping away the tears feeling my head getting really red.

I saw his body soften as he saw the tear on my face.

,,I didn't know you were still here.", I said trying to hide my sobs.

,,Why are you crying?", he asked walking over to me and sitting next to me on the bed.

,,I am not. I got dust in my eyes.", I said looking out of the window.

,,What happened Kayrah?''

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried and held my hands over my face.

I wish nothing more than to be alone right now.
I don't want him to see me like this.
When my depression kicks in.

I felt arms wrap around me as he tried to pull me on his lap. But I winced and jumped up.

When someone touched me when I'm so full of depression and anxiety I go crazy. I just can't.

He looked at me confused.

,,What's wrong?", he asked standing up. ,,Do you need an advil?"

,,No, I just... I just need to be alone.", I said not looking him in the eyes.

He looked hurt. I don't want to hurt him. But he can't be here right now.

,,I'm not leaving until you tell me.'' he said standing up and walking closer to me. He clenched his jaw.

,,Stop please. I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack.'', I said and I was so embrassed to have spoken out these words.

Gerald's POV

She has an anxiety attack. I used to have panic attacks. I take a lot of pills for that. And combined with drugs and alcohol I'm all full.

But I wanted to help her. I felt like helping her. And also I might feel relieved. That I didn't do anything wrong.

I moved even closer to her.

,,Okay, this will end. Trust me. It's just temporary. Sit down. I'll get you water.''

I walked out not really knowing what I was doing. I took a water bottle out of the fridge. When I had a panic attack I googled some advice for how to get out of it as soon as possible. These are the things I remember.

I went back into the room but she was gone.

,,Kayrah?'', I asked. But I didn't get an answer. I put the glass down and became silent while waiting to hear a noise from her. I knew she was hiding.