it has been a week and yet... my heart still doesn't race for felix anymore. i have gotten almost all of my memories of felix back but it's still seungmin in my heart.
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felix:
hey..
how do you feel... about me?
it's been a week.
and most of your memories are back.
you feel your heart right?
jia❤️:
i'm sorry felix. but no... it doesn't. it's still seungmin in my heart.
maybe we aren't meant to be..?
felix:
no jia, don't say that..
we are meant to be.
jia, i love you.
i know some place in your heart there is room for me.
jia❤️:
i know you love me.. but i'm sorry felix. i can continue to be your friend. but everytime you mention us being 'in love' i get upset and sad for hurting you like this..
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after i sent the last text to felix i heard a knock on my apartment door and i made my way to open it. when i opened it i saw felix standing there with flowers and tears in his eyes.
"f-felix..."
"jia... jia... don't do this to me.. i-i love you. what we have is something beautiful. jia... please don't." he said as tears ran down his face.
"i'm sorry felix. but my heart doesn't fast beat for you anymore. i-it beats fast for seungmin. the way it did before i had those weird dreams of you. maybe the accident knew that me loving you would bring a lot of pain and hurt and it was better for us to go separate ways..." i said as i looked felix in the eyes. i felt bad for looking him in the eyes, but this was the only way for him to know i was serious.
"j-jia... i can't let you go" he said while he hiccuped between his cries.
"i'm sorry felix. i cannot accept your heart this time. message me when you're calmed. b-bye felix. i love you. i hope you know those memories will never leave my mind." i said as i closed the door in his face.
later on i decided to get ready for my date with seungmin. i am excited actually, to see seungmin. but on my mind was only felix. i just wanted to hug felix and tell him i'm sorry.
seungmin came to my front door and picked me up for our date. we went to a cafe... sunshine cafe. where i first met felix for the first time in real life. yet all on my mind was felix, felix, felix.
"you okay?" seungmin said as he held my hand and drunk some of my coffee
"y-yes! just nervous" a lie. i'm not okay seungmin, i keep thinking about felix while i'm with you...
"jia, will you be my girlfriend?" seungmin said as he slipped a promise ring onto my finger. is this wrong? while seungmin is asking me to be his girlfriend i keep thinking about felix.
"y-yes.. i will be your girlfriend seungmin" i forced a smile and hugged him back.
"thank you jia." he said as he hugged me tighter and tighter.
once i got home i decided to text felix. i know i shouldn't text him or call him right after i did that but i just want to talk to felix. see him.
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jia❤️:
hey.. felix.
are you busy? can we talk?
message cannot send. try again!
jia❤️:
felix?
message cannot send. try again!
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felix wasn't answering so i decided to call him. it didn't even ring and it went straight to voicemail. i quickly ran over to his apartment which was upstairs from mine and since i had a spare key i opened the door after knocking a few times and not getting an answer.
"felix?" i opened the door and called out to him. i walked in and looked around. he wasn't home. i walked to the kitchen and saw a note on the counter top. 'to: jia from: felix'
'dear jia,
i came to your apartment to get an answer from you but you rejected me this time.. but it's okay! i hope you and seungmin become happy and live a long life together. i am going on a trip to australia for a year... i really wanted to have you by my side again. but having you by my side as a friend is more than enough. thank you for all of our moments and times together. jia, i will love you forever. let's meet when i come back yea? i changed my number and deleted all my social media. hopefully i can move on but i doubt i will. take care jia. thank you for being my first love and basically my first everything. i love you so much jia. goodbye for now.
love always,
felix♡'
i felt tears form in my eyes as my heart ached and my legs grew weak. i was on the floor crying while clenching my heart.
"felix, i love you too" i mumbled as i held the letter close to me.
i walked over to our photos together that only he had and i took them to put the in my apartment. please wait for me felix. i will wait for you. i will come back to you.
