Close Your Eyes

fourteen; ❝never leave me❞

I know that she wants me to stay hopeful, but those words don't seem realistic right now. I don't know how this could ever get better. It just doesn't seem possible, and her optimistic remarks feel like they're doing more harm than anything else.

"Do you want to me to come over?"

"I do, but I wouldn't be surprised if my parents installed security cameras somehow," I explain.

I mean that both sarcastically and seriously. Because truthfully, I don't think that I know who my parents are anymore. I can't be too sure of what measures they may have roan to keep me locked away from the world, like some disease that needs to be kept away from the human population.

"I'll come over," she says, "it doesn't matter if they see."

It does, but right now, I can act like it doesn't. They'll be on their plane soon, and be unable to come back or contact me about her being here.

"See you soon," I tell her.

She calmly says bye before hanging up, and that's my cue for putting the phone away. Knowing that she'll be here soon does make me feel better, since it's been incredibly difficult to deal with everything alone.

About 20 minutes later, I hear the deep ring of the doorbell, and it causes me to jump in fear. I remind myself that it's just Aurora though, and when I head downstairs to open up the door, she's there.

Smiling and shining like always. She offers me a comforting smile, and immediately gives me the best hug ever.

"Rosa, you look like you haven't gotten any sleep. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I say.

I'm not fine. At all.

"Rosa, no, no you're not, I can tell," she says.

I glare at her, and she flinches. It's such a stupid question to ask if I'm okay. How am I supposed to be okay? In this kind of situation?

I wish that I could do a better job at hiding those feelings, but it seems like she can see right through me. I used to find that cute, but not right now. I hate that she can tell, all because she knows me too well.

"How can I get any sleep if my family hates me?" I snap at her.

She places her hand on my shoulder, and leans in for what I assume is a kiss. I pull away, and she stands still, confused.

"You can't just make everything better with a kiss," I say.

If only it were as simple as that. I wish that it could be possible, but it's not. Reality is difficult, and nothing can make this better.

"I'm worried about you, Rosa."

"I'll be fine," I say.

I hope.

"Ros—" She starts.

"Just stop. This mess is your fault. I could still be dating Ben and I could be fine. I would have never have found out anything of myself and my family would not hate me right now!"

She flinches and backs away from me.

I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth. I hate myself for saying that. She doesn't deserve that. This is my fault. Figuring out your sexuality isn't so clear, and I'm a fool to even make it seem like it was Aurora's fault.

"I'm sorry, I just— I just can't bear with the fact that my family hates me. I shouldn't take my anger out on you," I apologize immediately.

I can't fuck up my relationship with Aurora. It's one of the few things that I have left. Other than Cameron, I don't have anyone that I can turn to.