Close Your Eyes

five; ❝can i ever forget?❞

Rosa's POV

It didn't take long for me to find out what has happened with Aurora at school.

I had found Ben bragging to his friends about what he did, and everyone was staring at me as if I was another strange item worthy of gossip. I didn't have a choice but to leave, and try to find Aurora.

When I make my way out of the familiar brick building that I've called my school for the past 3 years, I'm overcome by a thousand waves of varying guilty and the belief that I could have done something. I also don't know where I can find Aurora but in my mind, I recall her mentioning a special place that she had made into her own little sanctuary.

It only takes a 20 minute walk to Aurora's house. It's a small house, covered in plants and with grass that likely hasn't been cut in years, but it screams character and history. Somehow, it's fitting for her personality.

In an attempt to avoid breaking in, I make my way past the garden gate in her backyard, and I find the wood treehouse above me. I climb up the harsh tree, and as expected, Aurora is sitting inside. She's in pain, and it's unbearable for me to witness. Her arms are crossed, and her knees touch her face with her hair covering her delicate eyes.

This is my fault.

"Aurora," I lightly whisper.

When she looks up, I'm easily able to figure out that she's been crying, which is expected. I can't even begin to imagine how I would react if that had happened to me. I've never seen her like this, and honestly, it's terrifying.

"How did you know I would be here?" She questions me.

I sit down next to her.

"You mentioned it once, remember?"

My mind turns back to our frequent text messages, a place where we never stop communicating. I had learned so much about her, and it was clearly useful since I couldn't have found her without it.

She doesn't respond, so I ask, "are you okay?"

"Definitely. I am doing great!" She says with a fake smile plastered across her face.

"I'm sorry about what Ben did. You didn't deserve that."

I already know that Ben will never apologize. He will never see that what he did was wrong, and even if he did, he's too much of a stubborn asshole to admit it.

I know that my apology essentially means nothing though, and it's not enough. I don't think that anything could ever be enough.

"Did you breakup with him?" She asks me instantly.

"No," I say.

I feel stupid for answering that.

I wish that I had.

I want to.

I didn't though.

"Of course you wouldn't. You love him too much to ever breakup with him even after everything he does," she says, rolling her eyes.

She has no idea.

"Aurora, I don't love Ben. I never have. I don't have feelings for him."

"Then why are you dating him?"

"This will probably sound silly, but I've been trying to force myself to be someone I'm not. I just want to feel normal and sure, I still don't have feelings for him, but it makes me seem normal to everyone else."

It feels strange to reveal that to her because not even Cameron knows the truth.

"You don't need him for anything," she tells me.

It's strange how this went from me trying to comfort her, yet she's the one that's now trying to make me feel better.

I stay silent as she looks me in the eyes.

"You don't need him," she declares.

With her soft, pink lips and confident attitude, I somehow find myself in an unexplainable trance with her. I want her lips on mine, and I think I've been feeling that way from the moment I met her.

The feeling is harder to control this time, so I give in.

I push her hair out of her face, and I look into her eyes. It's a forest that I want to escape to, even if it's only for a second. The real world is so boring, why can't I live in my very own fairytale?

When she returns the same romantic stare, I know that she feels the same way. Without much thinking, we both lean into each other slowly.

The moment feels right.

Wait, what am I doing?

I pull away instantly as the thought crosses my mind, feeling myself blush intensely.

I can't afford to escape to my own wonderland, not now. Maybe not ever. My entire life, I've been working so hard to be the person that my family has always wanted me to be.

I can't throw that away so easily.

"Uh, I-I-I sh-should get going now. I hope you can come to school soon."

I can't even bear to look at her as I quickly climb back down the tree, and I practically run out of her yard. Instead of going to school, I decide to walk home because school seems like a horrible option and place to be at.

My mind wanders back to the kiss, and a deep feeling of shame begins to grow inside of me. My own thoughts water the plant as I remind myself that I can't do that.

"I'm not like her. I'm not a lesbian," I tell myself.

Yet I had leaned in to kiss her. It had felt right.

"I'm trying to be normal for everyone. My attempts won't fail now."

I walk home silently, trying to forget what had happened. But it seems impossible, because she's already invaded every single part of my soul and I'm just a powerless victim to it all.