I'm The Geek Who Slapped A Football Player.

55 - Tequila is for Winners

Then...there's me and my count-on-one-hand number of male encounters.

My parents told me about how at age 4 I was infatuated with my Dad's friend's Heath and LeAnn's son Hugh (who was like 8). I followed him around and cried when he wouldn't let me play with him. I dunno if that counts as a crush or not but I'm just gonna list it.

Way back in like fifth grade on the playground I remember Xavier Rhodeson told me he wanted to kiss me and I kicked sand at him, screaming 'GROSS'. Turned out that he didn't like me and some other boy had just dared him to kiss every girl in our class for five bucks.

When I was thirteen (right before the big hair chop that led to disaster) I was on vacation with my parents and we were eating at a restaurant in Tulsa, Oklahoma and our teenage waiter tried a few dorky pick up lines on me (I don't think he was trying to flirt with me honestly, I think he was trying to be funny and maybe can an extra tip or something? I was awkward and just tired from walking through the entirety of the Philbrook Museum of Art. Dad laughed it off, mom was offended, I shrugged it off and ate my burger).

Annndd the rest are all just...Sebastian and Abel...and I just kind of  mush them together as their own confusing experience...

But...there you have it. My parents and grandparents and most likely almost every one else in a good, fully functioning relationship had a great first meeting, and a great relationship following. Sebastian and I? HAHAHHAHAHAHA...I fucking slapped the kid because he thought I was flirting with him and then said some gross comments. And then he hated me, and I hated him, and then things just got weird and now I really don't know what the fuck to think anymore. 

And Abel falls right into that category too, considering I'm counting him above, because the only reason we ever bothered to talk to each other is because of his crazy ass cousin! He first started talking to me just because he was accusing me of riling up and hurting Flora...and initially I hated him, and he hated me, and now things  are still fucking confused with him too. I mean, not as confused because he hasn't fucking kissed me or anything (BA- DUMP BA- DUMP) but the damn weirdo still kind of flirts with me sometimes...

I run my fingers through my hair, frustrated with my own thoughts. Just stop thinking for a few seconds woman! I'm soooo completely fucking overthinking all of this, what does it matter!? I doesn't matter if I've never kissed anyone else or everything really interacted with other guys flirtatiously before!

The chair beside me screeches and I nearly jump out of mine with an angry yell, immediately saying, "Sebas--"

But its my cousin Kathryn.

Oooo oops. Fuck.

"Oh hello darling!" Grandma June says to her, and I grimace at the meeting. Kathryn's sharp gaze meets mine (even when she's greets Grandma herself! Weirdo) and her thin little mouth seems particularly pinched.

Who the hell peed in her cheerios??

Kathryn chats with Grandma a little bit, answering, 'no, sorry!' every time she's asked if she remembers what any flower means. To be frank, I remember her being way more interested in playing with her Polly Pockets in the 'forest' of grandma's plants than ever caring what they were.

"Ohh Clarisse! During the meal Kathryn was telling me how interested in being a...what was it again dear?" Grandma June is also wearing some long silver earrings and they wobble as she moves her head.

"A network engineer," Kathryn says, throwing a chunk of curly hair over her shoulder. "Anything technological will be high demand in jobs, and if I find a job working for a company internally I will be set! Just take care of their network."