Scourged

PROLOGUE

After 3 years of hiding behind this secret...

"Ali, tara sa unahan! Gusto ko ng malapit sa stage para makita ko sila nang mabuti!"

Dammit, Gem!

Lalo kong inayos ang suot kong baseball cap at ipinatong doon ang hoodie ng sweatshirt ko. Ewan ko ba kung bakit kinakabahan ako. Alam ko namang hindi nila ako makikilala after shedding some pounds. Besides, it's too dark in here and too crowded. Hindi naman siguro nila iisipin ang posibilidad na nandito ako.

Hinayaan ko na lang ang kaibigan kong hilahin niya ako sa unahan ng napakaraming tao para mapanood ang pagtugtog ng Radical dito sa bar na malapit sa maliit na apartment na tinutuluyan ko magmula noong nakaraang taon.

Tatlong taon na akong lumayo. I know they've forgotten about me. I know he moved on and found someone new.

Kahit na umalis ako at lumayo, I still watch them from afar, at alam ko ang nangyayari sa kanila, kung ano ang pinagkakaabalahan nila, at kung ano ang nangyayari sa buhay nila. It was impossible to miss. Lagi silang laman ng news simula noong sumikat sila.

One bitter smile twisted my lips. As what Irish had predicted, Radical are going to rock the spotlight.

Siguro sa nangyayari sa kanila ngayon, sa sobrang busy na ng schedule nila, hindi na ako sumisingit pa sa isipan nila. And I think that's a good thing for them, kahit na hindi na para sa akin. This is about them after all, not me. This is Rozach's dream. Their dreams. And I'm very happy they're finally living it.

"Ali, saan ka pupunta?" Gem snatched my arm before I could get lost in the crowd and I suddenly felt agitated and uneasy.

Hindi ko alam, nagpa-panic na yata ako. My hearts pounding so hard against my ribs at the thought of seeing them, for real, for the first time after 3 years. It's suddenly overwhelming me and constricting my lungs. It's too dangerous for me. Kailangan kong lumabas at huminga, lumanghap ng hangin.

"CR lang ako sandali," I told her as I gently pulled my arm free.

"Pero malapit na silang lumabas!" she shouted. Dumarami na kasi ang nag-iingay ngayong malapit nang lumabas ang banda.

Shit! I really need to go!

Umatras ako at hinayaang pumagitna sa amin ang mga tao. "I'll be back!" I told her above the increasing crowd and quickly turned around.

But the lights suddenly went off and almost instantly everyone went silent and very still, even me. I held my breath, my heart thumping triple time faster as I listen to the tiny footsteps that could be heard from the stage as if some people were walking around there.

It was so tempting to turn around and face them—the people I left and the world I disappeared from. Pero alam kong hindi makakayanan ng puso ko iyon. If I do turn around, I would only kill my heart for the second time. And who knows if I could survive it like I barely did the first time.

The static sound of the mic broke my trance and I was able to force my feet to step forward, never looking back, and left the bar before the lights were turned on and everyone in that crowd screamed the hell out of their lungs.

I welcomed the cold air as soon as it hit my lungs. Tinanggal ko agad ang suot kong sumbrero nang sumandal ako sa dingding at huminga nang napakalalim. I felt like swimming under the water for a long time.

I looked up, my head hitting the wall, and closed my eyes still catching my breath when I heard that distinct voice sipping out of the wall.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah