The Sound of Silence // H.S.

35

"All of Me" - John Legend

||Nikki's POV||

December 19, 2015 +London+

It literally feels like I haven't left the house in weeks. I'm such a homebody and Harry tends to get stir crazy after a few days of not doing anything. He's such a busy body and loves socializing with his friends. Honestly, by now after being home as long as I have, I usually like to go out and see my friends, as well. I've just been feeling really down.

There have been many nights that Harry goes out with his friends and I just don't want to go with him. It's exhausting for me to fake being ok at home and then having to go out and fake it around other people on top of that. He would come back drunk and try to pick a fight with me about not wanting to be seen with him when that wasn't the case at all.

Last night was the fourth night in the row of him going out then trying to push my buttons. I lost my shit and started screaming at him. I wasn't even angry at Harry. Everything I was bottling up inside went from depression to anger. I don't even remember what I said, but I remember the look on his face before he left. I hurt him and instant regret filled my entire body.

He left me.

I knew I would drive him away eventually.

I was laying on the living room floor with Suzie napping on my tummy. I needed to call and apologize to him. Where did he even go? Did he go to his house? It was already 11AM.

I heard keys jingling and the front door being unlocked. I sat up, forgetting about little Suzie napping on me. She whined and left the room with a sassy sway of her tail.

The door opened and Lucy poked her head in. "You decent, sis?"

"Yessss, what are you doing here Luce?" I got up and helped her carry a couple bags of groceries inside.

"Harry called me this morning. He's worried about ya." Lucy looked around as if she would be able to see physical evidence of something being wrong.

"I know what you're looking for. I haven't been drinking, ok? And how did Harry get your number?" I felt irritated. I wanted him here.

"He's at Grimmy's. He gave him my number. Harry says you had an outburst that was out of character. You threw his belongings at him and told him to leave." Lucy sighs and starts taking the groceries out of the bags. "From the look on your face I'm assuming you really didn't want him to leave?"

My bottom lip quivered as I shakily helped my sister put away groceries. She knew I was having a rough patch. My sister was working towards her Doctorate in Psychiatry. I had routine behaviors while stressed. She just bought me my absolute favorite foods to get me eating like normal again.

"I don't even remember what I said to him. Not. One. Word. Did he sound angry?" I took several deep breaths. My heart was racing and I felt incredibly anxious.

"No. He's just worried. He doesn't want to do the wrong thing. He loves you so much and he doesn't know about all of your triggers. You need to open up to him. I know you might not like this, but if you're serious about Harry, maybe you should take him with you to therapy one day." Lucy rubbed my back. "I'm making you a smoothie." She smiles, grabbing all of the ingredients.

"You think he will still want me? He's a young guy who can have whoever he wants."
I mumble.

"And you are who he wants. He's more mature than most guys his age. Give him some credit. He was still a bit drunk this morning and wouldn't stop gushing about you." Lucy laughs.