A Glance at My Life

My (Sort Of) Introduction

   Do you ever get that feeling that you're not wanted? That everything you do just isn't good enough? Even when you're talking to your best friend or even to your parents? I feel like everyone could do so much better without me. My family especially. I can't do anything right and I want to make them happy, I do. No matter what I do it just doesn't seem right. My mom doesn't think I appreciate her anymore. My dad is always mad. Sometimes I think the only reason they are still together is because of me.  I want to scream and tell them to just give up. I want to be happy in my own home again. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I am. But I don't want to have to hide out in my room. The thing is, they aren't bad people by any means. They go to church, donate to charity, help people in need, and they love me so much. But they aren't happy. Neither am I. I bet you thought this would be some happy fairytale of a life with a wonderful author and writer. You were wrong. All this is, is well a mess. With a mediocre writer who can't pass chemistry to save their life. 
    Everything used to be so great. Sure my family argued but we are just a family full of competitive people. We had this neighbor who I'm going to call Jane (for privacy reasons). For about four to five years she was part of our family. She didn't have to tell us she was coming over because we opened our home and hearts to her. We loved her and she loved us. Jane had diabetes and she was forgetful. She was always pumped full with a concoction of drugs and medicine to help maintain the balance for her body. Then she switched her medicine. Medicine comes with side effects. We all know that. My family just wasn't prepared for the ones that came with Janes new medicine. I'm going to keep this part short and simple. She switched. She was no longer our friend. She became our stalker. Sitting in the driveway by our car. Looking through the holes in our fence. Screaming at us on our porch. Leaving threats in our voicemail. That was who she was now. She ruined my family. We used to be happy and then Jane happened. Now I would love to get into Jane now, but I really don't want to bore you with the details.
          After Jane my family wasn't the same. I never felt loved and paranoia flooded my veins. My Mom and Dad were never the same. We experienced something no one should have to experience and we came out the other end. Stronger? No. Angrier. My dad still goes to church, but he goes alone. I think it's because neither me or my mom can wrap our heads around why God would let us go through what we went through for almost a year. And if that didn't seem bad enough for you, during that time my dad got laid off leaving both me and my mom without insurance. He is a veteran so lucky for him he was  accommodated for that. That meant I couldn't get hurt or else we would have major money issues. But of course the universe decided that my family needed another punch in the gut. I was rushed to the hospital almost septic because of a tiny blister. I needed an MRI during my three day stay. How lucky are we? Sometimes I think the universe looks down at me and thinks "Fuck it." You know when you're angry and want to make someone else miserable? Yeah. Like that. I don't want some sermon about how God fixes everything through faith. Fuck that. I just want my family to be back to normal again. But I guess that's too much to ask for.
-Lexi