"I don't get it," Freya says with a pout and a frown after I've finished telling her everything that happened between Harry and I whilst she was away – apart from what happened in our bedroom. Her face twists into one that displays utter confusion when she says, "Why divorce?"
"He wanted us to experience what you and Niall experienced," I answer although I know it's a rhetorical question and whilst it makes perfect sense to me, Freya doesn't seem to get it. She still has questions written all over her face, which she has no problems voicing out.
"You could've just renewed your vows, y'know? Save yourselves the troubles and the headaches. I heard getting a divorce could be really stressful. All those paperwork-" she pauses to shudder before continuing, "-If you ask me, I don't think divorce is the best option. Are you sure about this? Is this really what you wanted? Or are you just going along with Harry?"
I open my mouth and close it a second later as I feel myself hesitating. Now that I've had the time to truly wrap my head around everything, I realise that maybe I don't want to get a divorce. I don't mind if I don't get to walk down the aisle – the old me would, but the only thing that I care as of now is that I get to be with Harry, as cheesy as that sounds. Walking down the aisle is an old dream of mine, one that I've buried deep when Zayn and I broke off our engagement.
"I don't mean to overwhelm you, Bev," Freya adds as she places her hand on top of mine, squeezing it, when I don't say anything for the next fifteen seconds. "But a divorce doesn't sound good even if he means well."
I continue to stare at our hands, unsure of what to say. Even though I know a divorce can be inevitable, I've always believed that I can find a way to avoid it.
"Have you signed it?" Freya asks, to which I shake my head no.
Each time I stare at the form, I somehow can't bring myself to pick up the pen and scribble my signature. It's the simplest thing to do – I've done it several times – and yet I can't seem to do it. I didn't consider it as a sign before, but now I do.
I let out a sigh as I pinch the bridge of my nose. There are times when I wish I wasn't an adult who has to make a decision on her own and now is one of those times. I wish I can ring my mum and ask her to make the decision for me although that would be complicated considering that she hasn't found out about the divorce. I have a feeling she won't be happy about this and instead of offering me some advices she would express her disappointment.
"D'you think you have a reason why you haven't signed it?" Freya's question brings me back to the reality.
I finally look at her and say the first thing that pops into my mind instead of mulling over my thoughts, "I don't want to sign it, Frey. I don't want to get a divorce." There I've said it. And now I can't stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. "What if... What if he wants a divorce because he wants an opportunity for a way out? What if one day he wakes up and realises he doesn't even want to be with me? What if-"
"Hey," Freya interrupts with a soft kick on my shin. I kink an eyebrow at her and she offers me a reassuring smile. "I doubt that," she says rather confidently. "But you should talk to him. Tell him what you really feel about this."
"You're right. Communication is key," I say more to myself. I've read plenty of articles about relationships and nearly all of them say the same thing: communication is important.
"So, you're gonna be okay?" Freya asks next.
"I think so, yeah."
"Good because your lunch time's almost over and I-uh have somewhere to go," Freya mentions. I look at her questioningly, but instead of telling me where she's going, she changes the subject. "I'm really glad we're okay, Bev."
