Wonderlust

Something We Just Laughed About Nowadays

    It had been a few months since my beard had come in and let me tell you the wait was worth it. Though I had to flip the mirror-shade back up as I pulled off the highway.

    So yeah, it had been a few years. I had finally managed to legally get my driver's license. Thankfully I got my name changed before that, less work to do in the future. Also, yes, as of this date, I am three years on testosterone, Dylan is on three and a half, we also had him tested to see if he was a carrier of the same cancer his mom had, thankfully he wasn't. It felt amazing when my voice finally dropped, the sudden and seemingly uncontrollable outbursts of acne were a hassle, but it was worth it. Good God it was worth it.

    I was driving home, to mine and Dylan's apartment. We were living in a tiny place out in San Francisco and working side jobs while we tried to get our degrees in the various arts. Dylan found a gig every few weeks. I was working on getting a teaching degree. It was slow work, but we were getting there. Then again, we never wanted the whole world, we just wanted our own, and that's what we had.

    A two years ago Matt and Hannah had gotten married, we had gotten close in the years that followed and he let me, a stringy nineteen-year old, be his best man. My speech was a complete train wreck but the wedding was so much fun I quickly forgot. It was something we just laughed about nowadays. I hadn't seen or talk to my mom, dad, or Janet in over four years. It was amazing how much better a person could feel after cutting the toxic people off. Every once in a while, I ran into Rowan, they were making a living as a freelance public speaker, fighting against transphobia in day-to-day life. Last time I ran into them in a grocery store of all places, and they slipped me their phone number (which they had now) and made me swear to invite them to the wedding after I told them Dylan and I were living together. The kid was still an inspiration to this day.

    My phone rang as I pulled off the highway, it was a number I didn't recognize so I let go to voice mail. A few minutes later they called again so I answered it and lifted the phone to my ear.

    "Hello?" I asked.

    "All- I mean, Atticus?" It was a female voice, and one I hadn't heard in so long that it took me a few minutes to recognize her.

    "Janet?" I frowned.

    "Atticus?" She asked again, dumbfounded. "Is that really you?"

    "Yeah, it's me, how did you get this number?" I had changed it a little after I moved in with Matthew.

    "I had to beg dad for it, you sound so different!"

    There was no malice in her voice at all, it surprised me.

    "How did dad get it?" I frowned.

    "He said something about someone named Matthew getting drunk one night-"

    "Of course." I rolled my eyes. "Why are you calling me?"

    She was silent for a moment. "We um... I've been meaning to for a while now. I... I miss you."

    I didn't answer, and I was tempted to hang up right then and there. This felt like some sort of guilt trip. Like it was a trap and as soon as I was lured in, it would close around my neck.

    "What if I don't want to see you?"

    "Al- I mean Atticus! I mean you don't have to I just... I'm sorry. I want to say I'm sorry."

    I didn't answer so she kept going. "I've been going to therapy, because I would always get so angry over stupid things, which is irrelevant but my point is I've been trying to reestablish connections. You being trans won't be a problem either, I've realized my uh, I've realized how badly I messed up. Mom accepted it years ago, she wanders around the house and just laughs and says 'maybe I should try dating a woman, Janet. All the men in my life keep leaving me'."