Wonderlust

Gained a Family

Eventually the sun started to dip towards the horizon. She stretched her fingers of molten gold out and pulled a blanket of stars over her head. I stepped off that bus in a beat-down desert down somewhere out in the middle or Northern California. I was too tired and drained to care. I wanted to sleep and there was no way I was doing that on some shifty old train, not while I was still being read as female.

I walked around for a bit, and eventually put on another hoodie over my shark one because it got cold really fast. I might have made a mistake getting off here because I couldn't seem to find any motels. Even then I don't think I could have gotten one because every time I spoke it came out rough and unused, and horrendously feminine sounding, so I stopped.

Eventually I came to a dark alley way behind a gas station where there were some homeless people crowded around burning trash cans. I wasn't up to deal with that as warm as the fire looked, until a familiar voice called out to me.

"Atticus?"

I blinked and glanced around until a blanket shifted and I caught sight of a head full of white hair.

"Rowan?" I blinked, as the kid bounced over excitedly to meet me.

They grinned. "Yep! I'm so happy to see you out here, I genuinely though we'd never meet again. Where's your boyfriend?"

I winced. "Uh... I left Dylan behind."

Rowan's eyes fell. "Oh... well come on over here. I've made some friends here, they won't bite, you can stay here tonight if you need."

I followed them back to the gaunt and older looking faces gathered around the fire. There were a few kids though, which surprised me. I wondered if they had similar stories as Rowan and me.

"Thanks." I replied graciously.

"It's no problem." They assured. "But you have to tell me what happened with you and Dylan?"

I glanced around for a moment at the others ears obviously tuning into my story.

"Well go on." One kid instead. "Rowan's been telling us about you two ever since they got here."

"Yeah!" They exclaimed. "You guys told me to follow my heart and all that, so I did! Unfortunately, my parents decided to kick me out, but I'm happier now and I've met so many nice people. It's hard but we make do." Rowan insisted.

I blinked. "Uh, wow I'm glad we inspired you, I've never done that before. I'm sorry about your parents."

"It's okay, honestly Atticus." They went on. "I may have lost my parents but since then I've only gained a family."

They patted my hand gently. "You're our honorary member."

"This is sweet and all but I genuinely want to hear that story." The same kid from before spoke up.

"Right." I sighed. "Uh so at the time we met I had already told Dylan a lot of personal stuff, I had a lot of trust in him. Only it became obvious over time that he didn't see me in the same way because he...he just never lets himself get sad around me. He never opens up. He pretends like he's always happy all the time but I can tell it's fake. I don't know why he keeps babying me."

"So, you left?" Rowan tilted their head.

"Yeah, well it was after he got really drunk one night. I asked him why he had even come on my dumb little trip and he couldn't answer me." I explained.

"Huh." Rowan threw a balled-up newspaper into the trash fire. "Man, I couldn't have sworn... actually I don't know if you want to hear that."

"What?" I asked. "I mean, what else can you say to make me feel any worse."

Rowan shrugged. "He just...very obviously had a crush on you."

I felt another metaphorical bullet hit my chest. "No, not very likely."

"No, he did!" They insisted. "Whenever you weren't looking he was totally staring at you, and in like a longing way too."

I felt my cheeks heat up, a nice change from the temperature of the rest of my body. "I don't know. Anyway, I don't want to hear it, I'm still kind of angry."

Rowan looked mystifies, as if they still couldn't comprehend how clueless boys were. "That's fair. Are you still trying to reach your destination? You didn't really tell me about it too much last time."

I looked down at my decaying, off-brand, shoes. "I think so. I don't really have anywhere else to go."

"Where is that if you don't mind me asking?"

"Hollywood and its surrounding cities. My dad lives down there. I'm hoping he'll take me in." I explained.

"Is he decent?"

"What?"

"Not a jerk."

I glanced around at the surrounding company, and their presence suddenly became like rocks in my lungs, suffocating. I had been working on this for years but I was still terrified of strangers. Can you imagine what's it's like looking at the same exact Earth in the same time period, hell, even breathing the same air as you, but having a completely different take on it? Everyone one on the whole earth could look at the same tree but every single person would have a different point of view. That's completely and utterly terrifying.

"Hey buzz off fellas." Rowan waved their hand at the crowd as they picked on my discomfort.

They grumbled or moved away. I was left curdled up against a wall with Rowan sitting beside me expectantly. I didn't know what exactly they want and I also kind of felt like crying? I was sure I had cried myself out earlier and I don't think it would be wise to recklessly dehydrate myself. Especially in front of a bunch of people who had faced far worse than me.

"S-sorry." I forced out.

"It's no problemo mi amigo." They played it off. "Listen, you don't need to talk about it if you don't want to, but I will personally whoop some serious butt for you if needed. I'm here, queer, and I've taken self-defense for nine years."

I smiled at them reassuringly. "Thanks Rowan, though I think I'm just going to sleep now."

They nodded and reached over to a small bag near their group and pulled out a blanket that had seen better days.

"Here, the desert gets cold at night. Don't let whoever's on shift wake you up either. You look like you need a good night's rest."

I nodded to them, then pulled my bag over and rolled up a shirt to rest my head on. It wasn't the best place I had ever slept in, but I would make do. Besides I'd rather be here with Rowan than on my own.

As I closed my eyes I hoped Dylan was out there missing me.