Wonderlust

Dylan Doesn't Get Scared

    I think the saddest thing was I waited at least another hour by the car before Dylan came stumbling down the sidewalk, clearly still intoxicated.

    "Atticus." He slurred, reaching out for me.

    I pushed away his hand. My vehement anger and panic had calmed down a bit now that I'd been waiting outside in the cold for a while now. Now it was just smooth bitterness the spread over me as easily as butter on warm bread.

    "Looks like someone had fun." I sighed passive aggressively, reaching into the pocket of the hoodie I had given him for the keys.

    He held a hand to his forehead. "Uh... I'm sorry."

    "Dylan, you don't even know what's going right now, do you?" I spat, unlocking the car. "God, you know maybe you're more like your stepdad than you think."

    I was watching him out of the corner of my eye, he had frozen up when I said that. I hope it hurt. I hope he felt even an ounce of everything I had through in the last two hours. Dylan put a hand to his forehead again and turned around. Then cursed and kicked the ground in what I assume was anger.

    "I messed it up again." He realized.

    I didn't say anything. I just watched curiously. I watched as this dark blue voice spoke from a pale blue body. He turned back towards me, looking pathetic as anything. Instead of that intelligent glint it was just confusion and clouds of smoke in his eyes.

    "I'm sorry I just... I saw him doing it... it made him happy... I thought... it could do the same for me." He said softly.

    "What are you talking about?" I frowned.

    "My mom." He breathed in shakily. "I'm sorry."

    Different feelings mixed together in my chest as I watched him struggle to get the words out.

    "That's... not really an excuse." I pointed out. "I don't think you're taking this seriously."

    He met my eyes and I stared at him, I think I could see tears welling up in the corners. "No...?"

    "No you aren't, Dylan." I continued. "You've told me over and over you're going to stop this behavior but all I can see is you going behind my back every chance you get."

    "I'm trying-"

    "No you're not! You're just doing it where I can't see you!"

    I balled up my fists. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

    His head shot up. "What do you mean?"

    Something about the way he said that sounded like the real Dylan. The Dylan who's blue was pale and not an endless pit of darkness. It was like the connotations of my statement really scared him. Which was ridiculous because Dylan doesn't get scared.

    "I don't think I can continue to travel with you if you feel the need to go behind my back all the time." I said slowly, watching his face.

    He genuinely looked scared. "Wh-what? No... Att, please no... please I'll stop."

    "You keep saying that! But you do nothing!" I yelled, not intending it to come out so harshly but not taking it back.

    "No, I swear I'll stop, please don't go, please..."

    "Dylan, I don't even know why you wanted to come with me. You barely knew me! Was I just some sort of pitiful charity case for you?"

    He shook his head. "No, that's not it at all."

    "Then why? Why'd you do this?"

    He didn't answer. Suddenly his shoes were very interesting and he seemed to be focusing all of his attention.

    "Why Dylan? Answer me!" I guess a side effect of all his attempts to get me to step out of my shell was now I had to courage to scream if I wanted to. 

    He ran his hands through his hair and turned away from me. All I could see was the back of his head, his shaking hands when he let them drop to his side. Then he turned around again and he was crying. Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks. He looked at me, his eyes were full of this deep sadness, while at the same time that haziness was still there.

    "I'm sorry... I can't."

    I opened my mouth and just gawked at him. "Alright, fine I see how it is."

    I yanked opened the shotgun door, and closed it. That was it. I was done. I'll talk to him in the morning when I can actually talk to him. Dylan stood outside for a few minutes, then clicked open the back and rearranged the blankets. We both drifted off to sleep. Or at least I did eventually. I thought a lot about what I was going to do if this kept up. Would I leave? If it had been just me about a month earlier I would have thought, no way. Now however, I think I could. There was only one thing stopping me from leaving right now.

    I was still in love with him.

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    MERRY CHRISTMAS MY GUYS MY GALS AND NB-PALS!

    I'm so happy you made it this far! I can't believe I managed to get this book out on time lmao.

    SO I bet you're wondering, where is the rest Jay???? Hand it over you coward11!1!!

    It's coming! All in good time. I'd say expect the second half in March, at the latest. Keep and eye out in these next three months!

    In the meantime, as always, I have more books. Go check out Stolen Wolf or Soul Search, if you want more lgbt-friendly fantasy.

    Also tell me how I did!! Give me some feedback my dudes!! wHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN?

    I hope you y'all have a wonderful time celebrating whatever holiday you do! Thank you, and hope to see you soon ;D

    -Jay