Wonderlust

Mind Wandering

The next few days we surveyed the roads and it was decided they were empty enough for me to give it a go long term. It was basically just winding forest roads for miles and miles. The kind where you didn't see other people very often. I didn't go very fast because some of the turns were pretty sharp but I managed. I was doing just fine. It must have been pretty gentle because I glanced over once and Dylan's head had rolled over and rested firmly against the window. Every few seconds the glass would fog up with his exhaling breath. It was wholesome. This was the beginning of my mind wandering.

I got the feeling he didn't get a lot of sleep, at least not recently. By recently I mean in the last few weeks, ever since we met. Which by itself was this crazy unlikely experience. I just... I still find it hard to believe that we were actually out here, but at the same time it was just so incredibly real. We were making our own way. I can't believe I managed to find another transguy. Being trans sucked most of the time, but with Dylan it was a little easier, and I wondered if the feeling was mutual. I wonder if anything was mutual between us besides the obvious, friendship.

Wait, what am I implying Atticus. I don't know, I remember yesterday when he said my face was cute. Normally people don't say things like that so it...stuck. It's
been on my mind all morning. I don't even know if Dylan likes guys. Which doesn't matter because it's not like that. Definitely not.

Let's change the topic. I need to stop the train of through before it goes anywhere too wild. Anywhere more than that, is too far. Unfortunately, the train jumped right over and landed on the subject of my father. My Dad. Whatever.

I bit my lip and watched the trees fly past my window. The steering wheel was comfortably warm under my fingers. Suddenly I didn't like the silence anymore. I turned the volume up on the radio, letting myself slip into the obscure rock for a bit. This song was purple, light purple which just meant... quiet. Quiet but not in volume. It kept to itself. I liked it.

I don't remember when my dad lived with us. I had been too young when he left, but Janet and Mom obviously had a bad experience. I wasn't allowed to ask about him as a toddler, and eventually I just stopped caring. I don't even know why he left. I wonder what the situation was. It made me feel kind of sick to think about it, because what if my Dad had done something awful. What if he was the one who caused the problem?

He didn't sound like someone who would cause problems. Or at least from the few seconds I'd heard from him he didn't. He sounded... like some shade of green, I couldn't be sure yet. It had the potential to be bad but just because some previous mixes of green and purple didn't out well doesn't mean this one will. Everything depended on getting to know him better.

"Exactly." I told myself, it really all depends on the shade for some... stupid reason I didn't know.

Dylan shifted slightly in his sleep, opting to curl up a little more into the seat. I felt something strain in my chest, probably the junk food we ate all day yesterday. I needed to go on a run or something.

Despite myself I found eyes were drawn back to Dylan in his peaceful sleep. I don't mean to be creepy it's just... he looked so content and calm. The wild edge to him had faded away and it was just... him. I hadn't noticed before but just under his eyes was a faint sweep of golden freckles, his eyes lashes were also blonde. I wonder if that was his original hair color.

He was pretty cute.

I mean was I wrong to think that? He was. I just... I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know what this means. I had... I had never felt this way before. To my embarrassment I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror and saw my cheeks were pretty red, but that didn't mean anything.

I glanced back over at him, wishing he would wake up or something so my anxiety would kick in and tell me to stop it. Only I just... I stared, for a while.

Then I glanced back to the road for a second and had a small heart attacks because just in front of me was a small deer, caught in the headlights. I screeched loudly and slammed down on the brakes. The car jolted and screamed to a stop, with effectively scared the deer away to my relief, a second longer and I would have hit it.

"What's going on?" Demanded Dylan, yanked from his sleep as he glanced around wildly.

I don't know man how do you usually tell someone you were too busy staring at them and forgot to pay attention to the road?

"Uh...there was a deer." I squeaked, still very rattled up.

"Oh dang. Did you hit it?"

"No, thankfully."

He nodded, glancing around wearily. "Oh shoot, it's like, almost dinner time. You want me to take over for a bit?"

I unclenched my hands form the steering wheel. "Yeah sure thing."

We switched seats and after were going for a bit I discreetly brought out my sketchbook, and made a new page of a boy with long blonde eye lashes and faint freckles that only those who cared enough to notice could see. It didn't mean anything at all.