Senseless

7

Ryan woke up with a strange feeling in his stomach the next morning, it was a feeling like nervousness mixed with fear, he didn't understand it and he had never felt it before. He got the feeling when he woke up and found that a message had been left on his phone from Brendon.

Brendon: Want to hang out later?

Without hesitation he responded, saying he could meet him after school got out. Ryan would need to find a way to distract Spencer again so he didn't get suspicious of Brendon and him- or find out they were hanging out without him. Once he sent the message and stretched for a moment, waking himself up, Ryan got ready for a dreaded day at school.

"Ryan wake up!" His mother called from the opposite side of his door.

"I am," he said back, pulling on a pair of pants and a t-shirt. He slid on some shoes and brushed his hair and teeth before leaving for school. He figured, if he could get through the day quickly, he could hang out with Brendon sooner. The more he thought about Brendon, the more prominent the feeling of nervous-anxious-excited-fear fluttered in his gut. He met Spencer at the front of the school once he arrived, greeting him with a 'hey'.

"What'd you do yesterday?" Spencer asked, "must've been pretty bored without me."

"No, actually I- yeah you're right," Ryan nodded in agreement, not wanting Spencer to know what he'd really been doing.

School wasn't always the worst for Ryan, only days when he was harassed of bullied by the group of kids who seemed to hate him for absolutely no reason. He was constantly being shoved onto the floor, or thrown into the lockers, which wasn't much fun,
but he had gotten used to it. Although the faculty never seemed to bother helping him, they always seemed annoyed when he came back with another complaint about the same kids. After a while he had given up and decided to handle it on his own- which wasn't much different than he had been doing. Today in particular was a bad day, one kid, Frank had managed to shove him and cause him to drop his entire backpack, spilling all his papers onto the floor to be lost in the endless crowd of careless students rushing to class.

The remainder of the day went by fairly quickly, but not quite quick enough for Ryan. All he wanted to do was to meet up with Brendon again, especially after what had happened the last time he'd seen the man. It almost felt like a dream, the kiss, it was most definitely real though, and so were the butterflies in Ryan's stomach as he thought of Brendon. It had been his first kiss, and second. He honestly felt a connection to Brendon, maybe because he was the first, but maybe also because he truly had grown feelings for the man I the time they'd gotten to know each other. Then again, Brendon had also been Ryan's celebrity crush for years- and was now not only his friend, but his friend who had kissed him- twice!

Brendon only lived a few blocks away from Ryan's school, so maybe he could just meet him right after at his house- or maybe Brendon would ask him to meet somewhere else, like a date! The thoughts running through Ryan's head made him hopeful and doubtful. Although the thoughts of Brendon feeling the same were just in his head. All just his own active imagination, hoping for the most magical and fantastic outcomes of everything. But Ryan's doubts were only confirmed after school when he knocked on Brendon's door.

"Hey Ryan, come on in," the man smiled.

"Thanks," Ryan grinned back, entering the house. Brendon lead him to the couch and they sat down, Brendon was the one to start the conversation.

"So, how was your day at school," Brendon asked casually.

"It was fine," Ryan said bluntly.

"Really?" Brendon asked, mimicking the tone Ryan had spoken in, "doesn't sound like it was fine to me."

"Okay it- it wasn't fine, school fucking sucks! I hate everyone there and they all hate me, I'm always being thrown around and harassed by frank and his friends and I hate it, the only times I'm ever actually happy and not hating everything is when I'm with Spencer or you," Ryan ranted. Brendon just nodded in understanding, letting the boy go on, "I can't handle it Brendon." Ryan's voice broke at that, and he felt his eyes burning with tears.

"I'm so sorry Ry," Brendon frowned, moving closer to him a bit, and resting his hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"I can't tell you that it gets better, but once it's over, there's no going back, so just tough it out the rest of the year and know that you can always come to me if you need anything," Brendon said to him calmly.

"T-thanks," Ryan whispered, trying to hold back tears.

"Oh, come here," Brendon said with a sad smile, pulling Ryan into his arms and hugging him, letting him cry for a moment. He whispered to him telling him that it would all be okay, that it gets better after high school, and that once he's done they can both be musicians together, traveling the world and playing music. Once Ryan calmed down, Brendon decided changing the subject would be a good idea.

"So, any luck finding a boyfriend?" He asked Ryan.

"No," Ryan shrugged.

"Not even a crush on anyone? Because that's definitely a step," The man said.

"Well.. there is this one guy.." Ryan smiled, thinking of Brendon.

"Oh?" Brendon asked, "tell me more."

"Well.. he's really nice, and he's got the prettiest smile. Whenever he speaks to me I get swarms of butterflies in my stomach, and I just want to be around him all the time. He's really fucking hot, and he's just overall amazing," Ryan grinned.

"Wow, he does sound amazing," Brendon smiled at his friend, "does this guy have a name?" Brendon asked.

"Yeah," Ryan said.

"What might it be?" He asked. Ryan thought, should he tell Brendon that the boy he was speaking of was him? Should he let him figure out in his own? Should he lie? Be didn't know what to do.. so he just acted on impulse and spoke, without warning and without thinking.

"Brendon," he but his lip and looked up at Brendon, who looked completely shocked at the realization that Ryan was in fact speaking of him, and not someone else with his name.

"Oh."

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