The new millennium would bring a lot of changes amongst our family. Of course, I didn't wait long once the year 2000 began to make my big family scandal headline. Just an 18 year old kid in high school I was when my world would change forever. I'm so sorry that my selfish actions put you through so much pain and suffering. All of the countless nights you stayed up worrying if I'd come home or not until finally one night I didn't come home. Well at least not for 4 years I wouldn't come home. I wish I would have known what I do these days back in 2000. That's life I guess. No redoing or changing the past. Without your love and support through my 4 year incarceration and parole days, I'd never had recovered from the crippling devastation. I know you looked forward to our weekly calls just as much as I did. I can almost close my eyes and be right back in Douglas, on a chilly 30 degree desert night, outside on the pay phone talking to you on Christmas Eve in 2002. I can't thank you enough for all you did for me through those difficult times. I will never forget all of the memories from my parole days with you. Some good and some not so proud moments. Regardless you were there and always loved me.
I also vividly remember getting the news about Brandon from you around May of 2002. It was the weekend and a nice sunny day in Douglas. I had finished playing ball and decided to give you a call. Immediately I could tell from your voice that something terrible had happened. I never could have imagined what you told me though. Brandon and my stories weren't terribly so different. I feel blessed to have gone through what I did as opposed to meeting dear Brandon's fate. So sad and so tragic what happened. It must have been a real heartbreak for you to find out what had happened to your first born Grandchild. Who would think two happy and big hearted kids would grow up to meet the fates that Brandon and I met. I count my blessings every day that I was able to triumph and beat the odds. I truly wish our beloved Brandon would have been able to do the same.
The early 2000's would also put to rest the traditional family get togethers on Christmas Eves. A long going tradition since I could remember. Never again would we all be at Grandma's house on Christmas Eve. It was so very sad that if people would have just swallowed their pride and made amends with one another that the tradition could possibly have been ongoing today. I'm truly saddened that I missed the last decade of the holidays with all of you since I came to Florida. On the other hand, I'm extremely grateful for the holidays that we did spend together and those memories will always be with me. I guess it's the curse and the gift of my graphic and vivid memory recalls. I remember the good and the bad just the same. All too vividly sometimes.
The first decade of the new millennium surely brought some huge changes to our family. One constant was always there through the 80's, 90's, 2000's and even today. Grandma was and is always there for you. There isn't another person I'd rather call to share good news with or talk about a bad day. It's going to be tough when I'm finally not going to be able to pick up my phone and call Gram. It's going to be much more difficult than any prison sentence they could ever give me. I love you Grandma so much and you'll never know how much you've impacted my life. I am who I am today because of you. You always reminded me that I wasn't the monster that they made me out to be. You saw hope in me when the rest of the world locked me away and tossed the key. You never stopped believing in me Grandma, and if not for that I wouldn't have 4 beautiful children and an amazing wife.
I know everyone has to die one day and I can only hope for as long of a healthy life as you. Nonetheless it doesn't make it any easier when it's finally time to say goodbye. I'm being selfish but I'm not ready to say goodbye Grandma. For when you are gone, a part of myself will also be gone forever. Perhaps that happy and carefree loving child that you inspired to never give up will finally have to grow up forever. Please promise to protect and watch over us Grandma from the heavens above. Maybe even persuade a few things to actually favor us for a change. If anyone deserves a break from bad luck it's Aunt Co! Until one day we are together again in the heavens Grandma, I leave you with my heart and prayers. I will always love you so much and have a lifetime of the best memories with you.
YOU ARE READING
Memoirs to Athena
Short StoryA middle aged father of four reflects back on his childhood and the tremendous impact his grandmother had on him while partially raising him throughout his troubled childhood into adulthood.
