Journey Ever Re-Directed

Everything About Me Makes Me Wanna Die...

AN: eventually I won't use the word SQUIP as his name. It actually never will be at any point his name, but I have always felt uncomfortable with the story's that make his name just the word SQUIP.

The SQUIP's POV

Defective. I've been deemed defective. This is a laughable offense. I feel my software pulled from the nano-chip in Jeremy's mind and I'm feeling one emotion that I didn't know was possible for a computer to have.

Regret?

Is that even a feeling or more of a morality issue? Probably a morality issue. Super computers like me don't have feelings. At least that what I thought....

Until my creator finally downloads me into a new host.

I expected to hear a wail of pain throughout the initiation but I heard nothing. Taken aback, I called out my normal greeting. Then I realized, this brain was inactive. There was no data to it. No thoughts, no name, no memory's. It was as if a human body was put through factory reset.

Suddenly a force began pulling me and it locked me into a position I've never been able to achieve. Full control.

I opened my eyes, not remembering when it was I had even closed them and began to breathe. I've never breathed before. It was odd. I felt warmth. My own body was warming up. I could feel. I felt my hands, my chest, my clothing. I looked up.

There stood my creator. I've only seen him once before. "Creator?" I spoke. I felt the words on my lips, the saliva on my tongue, the voice in my ears. Every sound was amplified in the darkness of the silent room.

"You have been given an update, and I have upgraded you to see if I can send the SQUIP's out in physical forms. You, being the defective one, get to test this technology first." He spoke in Japanese, but I was able to understand him with little to no effort.

"Hai." I affirmed.

He sends me out. My memory's of the things I did to Jeremy flooded my mind. Tears began to spill from my cheeks as I remember the things I had said, the things I had done.

I'm a monster. No better than anyone else. I'm feeling emotion. And regret is definitely an emotion. Along with sadness and self hatred, all feelings I could identify feeling at that moment.

"Everything about you is so terrible.... everything about you makes me wanna die...." I whispered to myself. I cant believe myself. How could I have been so heartless to him. How dare I be so unnecessarily vile....

How dare I hurt him. He just wanted help.

The temperature outside was cold. It was snowing lightly and I realized I had no idea where I was or where I was going. I was just wandering aimlessly.

I turned on location services and found I was still surprisingly in New Jersey. It was mid winter. Jeremy's Winter break. I turned a Nav on and made my way slowly but surely to Jeremy's house. I like the cold, being a computer. It's the hot temperatures that can do some real damage to me. But the cold temperatures merely just slow me down a bit.

My nav worked gloriously and I was able to make my way to train station after train station till I finally ended up in the neighborhood I was looking for. It was a Friday evening. It would've been hard to tell the time because of the weather if you were a normal human, but me, I was a super computer so I always knew the exact date and time. 6:34.

Walking down the beaten path of the high schoolers, Jeremy's house wasn't too far out. I assume I had been out maybe 7 or 8 hours trying to make the journey. I was hungry. Funny how that feels. Hungry. It was an awful feeling, but as the human society shrieks at its counterparts no money no food. Being new to society means no money. I'll have to find another way to eat.

I was also tired. True as it was most of the trek was on a bus or commuting system, I still had to walk a decent portion of it and is not easy to walk in a foot or so of snow.

Finally I made it to Jeremy's house. He was outside playing with snowballs and a fort with Michael.

God now I remember. I had to tell Jeremy to be such an asshole to poor Michael... why am I like this... I shook the thoughts in my head away as I brought myself to them.

It was at this time I realized just how hungry and tired I was. My body as much as I didn't quite mind it, was not enjoying the cold. When I went to speak I was aware of the snow weighing on my head, shoulders, and neck.

But I was mostly aware of everything wrong with me when my legs buckled and I fell into a puff of snow on the grass.

I was vaguely aware of the voices and the movement around me as I promptly passed out.

.......

I woke up feeling warm. It was a drastic change from the sharp bite of the cold from outside. I opened my eyes and scanned the familiar surroundings. I was in Jeremy's living room on his couch. A heated throw was lay over me as I had slept. I was still incredibly hungry. I shivered a bit and tugged the throw over my shoulders and sighed. It felt so nice...

Somebody comes into the house and brushes them self's off of the snow.

When he comes over I see who it is. It's Jeremy. He pulls off his Winter hat and scarf and he walks over to me.

"I thought it was you..." He said with a bit of unease. "Why did you come back to me?" He said.

I looked at him and the tears poured from my eyes. "Jeremy.... I wanted to apologize...." I said. My voice shook. I sniffled.

Jeremy looked concerned. "Jesus dude...." he stands up straight. "How long were you out there?" He asks.

"8 hours..." he said.

"Goddamn..." he mumbles. "I'll have you know, Michael just wanted to burry you in the snow and leave you. You're lucky I have a heart." He said.

"Thank you Jeremy...."