Fall For Me | Namjoon [√]

4: to an understanding

"I'm not a teen. I turned twenty last month." I told him, my eyebrows scrunching up as a force of habit. He nodded.

"Yes. But he's good either way. I had to come clean because it's been bugging me a lot. I mean, the misunderstanding I had with you. I couldn't sleep last night and I'm glad I could meet you today and tell you."

I stayed silent. He heaved a small sigh, staring at my eyes this time. "I'm twenty five. We don't have much of an age difference between us."

"What!" I was shocked. "How are you a teacher then?"

"I graduated early." He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, shifting in his position.

"I skipped two grades too when I was young. I'm not a full fledged teacher yet. I got my master's degree a year ago and moved back to my hometown. Your professor, Mr. Cha, was a guest teacher in our university. He was quite fond of me, and I helped him with his thesis. That's why, he recommended me here and I got back to Seoul. The experience I gain here will help me get a fund for my research later," he elaborated and I took some time grasping it all.

"Man, you look like you're in your thirties or even forties." I blurted out.

That was a lie.

"I look old. Yeah." He bobbed his head up and down slowly.

"I'm saying, most of the time. But wow, you're so cool! Like, you're such an intelligent person! I would've never believed someone could become a university teacher at such a young age. You even skipped grades!" I couldn't help but awe over him, since, he was truly amazing.

"Oh. Thank you." He said, looking down at the scattered pages in front of him, his hand caressing his forehead. I couldn't see his facial expression.

"About your sexuality, I thought about it." He looked up at me after a while. "This is just a suggestion, I'm not putting any pressure on you. So I thought, that, maybe, if you liked someone you could try dating them to find out."

"A guy or a girl?" I raised an eyebrow. "Who do I date?"

"You're talking like a bisexual." He let out a sudden chuckle. "You haven't dated anyone before?"

"No." I shrugged with my shoulders. "I'm twenty already and I don't think I've ever felt anything for a guy or girl, physically or emotionally. I just can't seem to get invested. Sometimes when I get too into a fictional character, I think to myself, wow, if they were here maybe I could work some feelings out. But in real life? Nah, man. Sometimes I think I'm asexual. You know, those who don't feel any sexual attraction; I've done some internet research on it. Yet I'm confused."

"You seem like you're quite curious about those feelings, apart from being confused."

His deep voice resonated around the space, and I realized that he was maybe good at analyzing people.

"Actually, I think it would be nice to feel that way towards someone. Like your heart would flutter, you would smile uncontrollably whenever you think about them. Your heartbeat would go faster and you'd have butterflies flying around your stomach.

"Or feel that sexual attraction, that works too. The sudden jolts with each touch, electricity in the air. Your breath gets caught, the air inside your lungs getting knocked out by someone.

Since I can't or haven't felt them for my entire life I feel somehow, inhuman. Or maybe it's because I've read too many books or watched too many movies."

I realized that I was blabbering so I ended my rant in a rush. I felt embarrassed as hell.

However, he was smiling. The sincere type of smile, that of an age-old pilgrim.

"What?" I voiced out loudly, feeling my face heating up.

"Nothing." Namjoon said, still smiling. "As I was saying, maybe you could date someone you'd possibly like in the future. For someone, those feelings could come slowly. And it's totally okay too being an asexual, and aromantic— the ones that can't harbour romantic feelings either. Platonic feelings are just as equally great, you know. They just aren't much talked about."

I was quite baffled that he knew about those terms. Once I jokingly had uttered those very words before Jimin and he demanded an explanation under utter confusion. When I did explain, he said those were internet made up words.

Those felt very real to me. Because I too, could be one of them. Asexual and, or, aromantic.

"Hm. Okay." I said, thinking hard to myself. Just then a sudden sound of snoring made us both startle.

"Let's introduce each other again. This time properly." Namjoon said after Taehyung's snoring subsided a little.

"I am Kim Namjoon. It's nice to meet you." He held out his hand towards me.

I just realized he had really deep dimples. For a second I got lost somewhere watching them.

"I'm Park Soomi and, likewise." I said and looked away not bothering to shake hands with him.

I wasn't annoyed or anything. I just felt embarrassed for staring at his dimples for such long seconds.

Namjoon looked at his hand that was held out to me and then looked at my face again. He awkwardly slapped his palm with his other hand and took it back.

"You can always come to me for help. Since you're my student, I'd be glad to assist. Please, call me Namjoon. Mr. Kim sounds way too formal."

I nodded and he nodded too, awkwardly.

"Okay so for your grammar problems I can suggest you a book too. There, you can find it in that pile— okay, no, I'll get it for you." He mumbled by himself and tried to get up.

But, he fell on his back halfway and the books around him scattered further away. Before I knew it he had fallen flat on the floor.

"Ouch, fuck!" He cursed, wincing in pain.

"Wow, are you okay?" I got up and looked down at him, holding out my hand to get him up.

"What happened?" Taehyung said in his groggy morning voice as he sat up from his spot.

"I fell." Namjoon didn't hold my hand and got up by himself. "Thank you Soomi— ow, ouch!" He held a side of his head letting out soft groans. His nerdy-looking glasses were hanging from one of his ears, giving him this funny look.

"Destruction god." Taehyung murmured rubbing his sleepy eyes and I couldn't help but laugh.

Namjoon was, quite cute. I guess.

---
A/n: for people who don't know, I'm an asexual.

When I first wrote this book, I knew somewhere within that I was one but I couldn't fully accept it. This story was therapeutic to me in a sense I could just write all of my feelings in the name of Soomi.

Now that I've found myself, done a lot of research, I'm making this book a bit different from the first draft (rereaders would know). Being asexual is okay <3 being aromantic is okay <3 we support every sexual orientation and gender in this house!