Fight With Fire

21

I pace in the stairwell waiting. Forcing myself to move and focus on each step. Just one step in front of the other. Every bone in my body is screaming, pleading, to leave. To run away and crawl into my bed and stay there for eternity. But I had to stay to talk to Adrian and that's what I was going to do.

I wasn't going to let one little kiss stop me. I stop pacing and smack myself in the head. Why did I care? I know that they are together. So it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

"Ella?" I stop and slowly turn to see Adrian standing at the top of the stairs with one hand still holding the door and a confused look plastered on his face. I look behind him to see no Gwen and sigh in relief.

"I need to talk to you." Adrian narrows his eyes slightly before nodding his head. He walks down the stairs and falls into step beside me.

It strikes me how similar this situation is to the other morning.

"What do you want?" He demands before we walk more than a few stairs.

"Tomorrow after the awards ceremony we have a meeting with the elites at the circle. You will be there." Adrian stops walking and scrunches up his nose.

"What?" He says causing me to roll my eyes. I grab his arm dragging him beside me into the stairwell leading up to our rooms.

"What part of what I just said did you not understand?" Adrian looks forward in thought. I roll my eyes again and explain. "The elites are the most powerful people at school. You are powerful. Meetings are important and helpful. We discuss and organise and we become much more prepared than we were before. It also gives a certain social status to come. Usually new people need to find it themselves but I am not going to waste time finding you when you get lost." Adrian seems to realize what I'm saying and quickly grabs me turning me to face him.

"How do I get out the building?" He asks causing me to smile mischievously. I lean against the railing behind me.

"You have to figure that out by yourself." Adrian and I turn to the sound of the door opening at the bottom of the stairwell. Some Tefras were coming back from their classes. I turn back to Adrian.

"How do you get out?" He asks. I smiled again.

"I climb out the window." I laugh at how ridiculous my own words sound. Adrian laughs too causing his eyes the squint. His blue eyes are alive like the sky when he looks back to me.

"No but seriously." He says shaking his head but he is still smiling. I am about to respond when a strong arm wraps around my waist. I turn to see Finn. I smile at him but he is looking at Adrian, his jaw clenched.

"Hey Ella." Finn says while still glaring at Adrian. Finn grabs my arm lightly and leads me up the stairs beside him before I can respond. I look over my shoulder and point at Adrian.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" Adrian laughs again and nods.

I turn back to Finn ready to see that signature smile and those bright green eyes. But I only see the side of his face and his muscles are tense. I try to make eye contact but he continues to look anywhere but at me. I continue walking beside him trying to figure what to say. We walk up many flights of stairs before I generate enough courage to break the silence.

"Finn, what's wrong?" I say it softly, as if speaking too loud will break him. Finn sighs and finally looks at me. His eyes soften as he takes in my worried expression. He studies me for a few seconds. I search his eyes for something, anything. He leans over the railing and looks down the stairwell. I follow his gaze to see that we were alone. He stops us at the top of the staircase on a platform.

"Do you like Adrian?"

I didn't know how to react to this question. Some part of me wants to laugh at how ridiculous he's being. But Finn's serious face is enough to stop me. I start to shake my head slowly, then faster, then I stop all together.

"What?" I question having no other way to respond. Finn looks up to the ceiling and then back to me.

"You're always with him laughing and smiling." He says gesturing to my conversation with Adrian I start to shake my head but he continues. "I am not blind. He is hiding his Aerdell and yet you have done nothing to him. Usually you get me to take it or you at least expose him. Now you have invited him to join the elites-"

"I never-"

"You are bringing him to the circle. Ella, you haven't brought anyone to the circle." He looks at me sadly. Almost like he is remembering something happy from his childhood. His gaze picks me apart slowly and painfully. Sometimes I think he can see me better than I see myself. His eyes glaze over slightly.

"Is that why you pulled away?" He closes his eyes, finding it too painful to keep them on me. His voice normally calming like Charlie's songs, sounds heavy and cracks slightly. "Did I kiss someone that is in love with someone else?"

A single tear rolls down his cheek. A line that seems out of place like brown in a rainbow. The sight is enough to break your heart. I close the space between us and grab his arms. Tears flow down my cheeks in hot, salty streams.

"No. I- I don't-" I make a frustrated noise and squeeze his arms. A part of me thinking that I if I squeeze him enough I can show what I mean.

"Please." Finn says opening eyes now. They are glazed over with unshed tears. "I was honest with you."

"I am being honest." I shake my head squeezing his arms again. "I don't like him. I don't really like anyone. I have never really opened up and trusted anyone. I was surprised when you kissed me, yes. But that was because no one has ever done... anything like that. Most people have only show me fear. Adrian understands what I'm going through without me saying anything. I never wanted him to see me so vulnerable."

I reach up and wipe his tears away. If I take them away fast enough than maybe they won't come back. Finn suddenly grabs my wrists and pulls my hands away.

"Stop. I told I love you. You can't tell me that you have no one. I never expected you to love me. But it hurts to know that you are struggling and I had no idea. I am here for you Ella! Why can't you open your eyes and except that you can't do everything alone." Finn's words remind me of Charlie. I had thought that we would both struggle alone but I guess I don't truly know what it feels like to be alone.

"Don't." I pull my hands out his grasp and step away. "Don't shame me for hurting. Not everyone can be happy all the time!"

"Me?" He seems almost hurt. "You think I am happy all the time? Are you really that blind? The person that I love doesn't see me! I do everything for you. But I have never pressured you. I have been waiting for 10 years Ella. That first day you sat in front of me and touched my arm. I fell in love with those dark brown eyes the moment they saw me." His voice is shaking. He takes a deep breath and continues quietly. "Everyone is hurting Ella. But most people try to do something about it."

"Don't go blaming me for your problems. I don't deserve that."

"You don't deserve this? You don't deserve this?! Do you even hear yourself? I don't deserve this! I am trying to tell you that I am here for you. You don't have to be alone anymore. And you definitely don't have to go to Adrian because you think he's the only person that will understand."

He walks towards me and wraps his arms around me. I don't know how to react so I don't move. All my muscles tense up as he rests his chin on my head. "This is a start. Just relax. Trust me." I try to do what he says and let his voice lull me. He smells like a summer garden, like clean laundry and sweat and flowers. I begin to relax and stand there awkwardly as Finn runs his hands through my hair.

I feel safe in his arms. Like nothing can hurt me because I'm hidden and guarded by those strong arms and green eyes. But nothing can guard me from the true monster that hurts me which is being held in Finn's arms. Maybe he's not saving me, but everyone else as he keeps me trapped in his arms.