Your Just a Sad Song, with Nothing to Say

Chapter Twelve

“Excuse me?” he says looking at me.

“Why in god’s name would she do this” Why would she think this is okay?

“I’m sorry Ansley dragged you into this….I literally just got into a huge fight with my boyfriend 4 days ago.” He starts to say something but I walk off, anger written all over my face.  I walk to Ansley and Quinn and it looks like Quinn has beaten me to the fighting with Ansley. “What the HELL do you think you’re doing?! I still have feelings for Gerard! What a friend!” Me and Quinn then walk off and to the house without saying a word.

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When we get home, or to my home Mikey is at my front door, on his phone. My throat tightens up and I can’t breathe. Quinn looks at me then steps out of the car, I do the same.  As I walk to the porch Mikey skips over Quinn and looks at me, he has a concerned look on his face. “Hey Mikes, what’s wrong?” I ask as I open the door and we sit on the couch. “It’s, about Gerard” Mikey states

“I figured.”

“Gigi, he isn’t doing well…”

“Oh?”

“Ever since you were over he hasn’t come out of his room and he has not eaten and I’m worried.”

“Nothing I can do about that.”

“Gigi, don’t be that way. I know you still care.”

“Oh? How would you know?” I ask defensively

“When I said it was Gerard you were more intrigued, if you didn’t care about him you would tell me to get out.” He was right.

“True but what do you want me to do about it.”

“Nothing I was just telling you”

“thanks for the new flash Mikey” He then walks out of the house and drives away. I pull my shaky hands through my newly colored hair.

“Well I got to go to work Gigi, you okay?” I hear Quinn say behind me. “Yah, I think I’ll take a nap.” And at that she is gone. I am alone. I am alone, alone.

I still care for Gerard, so much. I miss his heat as he wrapped his muscular arms around me and rocked me back and forth as I listened to his heartbeat. His heartbeat was my lullaby to sleep and without it I have gone through long, restless, tear filled nights. I miss the smell of him, the smell of love and safety I miss listening to his breaths as I know he cares. I miss that handsome, gorgeous smirk, the reason I noticed him in the first place. I miss him, I miss Gerard Way.

I stand up and lock all the doors and windows knowing when I’m drunk I can’t open locked doors. I go to the kitchen and grab a tall bottle of alcohol and I sit down on the couch. I pop of the top and take a long swig. It is sour and tangy but it numbs be and in a while it won’t matter as long as my head is gone. I take another swig. Every swallow tastes better and better.

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WARNING: EMOTIONAL SCENE

I look my phone and see its one in the morning. I do not process this because I just drank 2 whole bottles. Everything is a blur. Is it tears or is it alcohol? I start going upstairs and trip breaking the glass beside me. I roll over on my back and bring my hands to my face. I finally cry the tears that have been hiding the past 6 days. After about 5 minutes when there are no more tears I sit up and look at the broken glass. I am still very drunk and can barely make out a piece but I finally do. I grab it with my right hand and look at it; the glass was like me, broken. I take the piece and slide it down my left arm over the white scars from a sharpened bobby pin. I leave the other wide, fat, white, scar clean that was when I didn’t have anything sharp and slowly with my thumb peeled away chunks of skin until it bled, I then watched the blood pour, my favorite part. I always had an excuse for the Band-Aid on my wrist at school. I look towards the ceiling and cringe at the pain in my arm; I look back down and start another line, the blood seeping. I then drop the bloody glass piece and fall back into sleep.

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Gerard’s POV

I have done nothing, nothing. I don’t know why I did what I did to Gigi. It was a mistake, everything. I was upset because she was moving on with her life and I am stuck here. I miss her. I miss the smell of her hair as I wrapped myself around her and breathed into her hair. I miss the fun memories we had of singing in the car and at the beach. I miss her smile and that laugh, oh, that laugh she hates but I can’t get enough of. I miss holding her hand and just looking into her beautiful blue eyes. She was mine and I let her go. No, she is mine and I will get her back. Because she is mine, and always will be. Gigi will be mine.