Protecting You ("The Shadows" Series: Book I)

XXIII.

Ryan's POV

I stood in front of the man that was tied to the poll. He was bloodied, would be an understatement. I was not able to look at his face properly. Not because I was disgusted but because I was genuinely not able to see. It was covered in blood and dust and what not. I had beaten him to get information out of him.

"Is he dead yet?" Liam asked from the corner of the room. Evan came up to my side and observed the man. He said his name was Jeremy and then told us about Gonzalez next plan and what he wanted that day when he sent his men to kill us.

Suddenly Lily's face invaded my vision. Her health was progressing but not fast. She had internal bleeding and some of her organs were damaged. When she woke up that day two weeks ago, she was in a lot of pain. Evan told me how she protected me when the accident took place. I was proud of her but angry too. If something had happened to her, I would have never been able to forgive myself. She still assured me everyday that she was fine and it wasn't my mistake that she got into all of this. But I couldn't help but blame myself for everything. I cared about people who were close to me. She had saved my life two times now. First in that restaurant and then in this accident.

"He's breathing." Evan voice brought me out of my train of thoughts. I looked at him and then at Jeremy. He was inhaling and exhaling very slowly.

"Where is Adam?" I asked as I bent over his head. He tried to shake his head and look at me but failed. I clutched his hair tightly and pulled his face to see upward. He yelled and seemed to be completely done with his life, literally.

"Tell me." I said loudly to which he flinched and cursed under his breath. My fist collided with his temple, hard. His face flew to the side as he started coughing and screamed

"Kill me already." He said as loudly as possible but it wasn't enough to be heard by even the men outside the room. I chuckled, my voice hollow. I stood to my full height, close to him.

"We could have done this easy way. But you were resisting. Now tell me where is Gonzales?" I asked him again. This time I turned around and took an iron rod in my hand that was lying on the ground and started banging it on the floor with every passing second. He looked at the rod with half opened eyes and then at me. He spit blood from his mouth and flipped the hair that was coming over his forehead. He focused on me.

"My lips are sealed. You can fuck off is all-" his sentence completely stopped along with his breathing as the rod in my hand connected with his head and the sound of his cracking head reverberated inside the four walls. Silence enveloped us as Liam came out of the darkness of the room and checked his pulse.

"Oh come on!! He's dead. Who would survive after that blow? No use of this formality." Evan complained childishly, pointing at Liam who was still checking if he was dead or alive. He shook his head and stood up, turning in our direction as he started ordering some of the men in the room to take the body for proper burial. He patted my arm and left. Now it was just me and Evan. I inhaled deeply and tried to control my accelerated breathing.

"How do you feel?" Evan asked in a serious tone as he stood beside me, leaning on the wall.

"What do you think?" I asked back.

"You really want to know my opinion?" I nodded.

"If you ask me...you're tired and angry on everything. Blaming yourself for what happened with Lily. You want each and every men to die who was related to this accident in a bad way. And last but not the least. You like that girl a lot. Like too much....maybe it can be love I don't know...and I don't want to judge you. But you care about her. And that's that." He completed his speech with a cheeky smile while I scowled at him from the moment when he started talking about my interest in Lily. He held his hand up in surrender with still that smile.

I so wanted to wipe that off.

"I don't love her." I groaned out. He just raised his eyebrows at me.

"She saved my life twice. That's why I want Adam dead. He crossed all the boundaries this time. Hurting someone and threatening her just because she saved me." I said.

"You asked her to marry you." He said as he folded his arms with a smug look. I glared at him.

"I had no choice but to ask her to be with me rather than getting hurt while staying there."

"Exactly my point. You could have asked her to STAY with you rather than asking her for her hand in marriage. You basically proposed her."

"I didn't."

"You did."

"She had a choice. To choose me or that liar of a father."

"You asked her to marry you when she was emotionally weak. What do you think she would have done? She would obviously choose you. Not that you mind."

"The point is...she said yes and she is stuck with me."

"More like you don't want to let her go."

"That's not true." My fist tightened.

"That is true. She saved my life also. In that restaurant she not even covered you but me too. But I never thought of her to get married with me. She obviously was appealing to you and not in a sexual way. You wanted her. You needed her."

"What are you up to?" My nostrils were flaring in anger at this point.

"I'm just saying that I know you very well. The way you behave around women and the way you behave around her is so polar opposite-"

"She's not just any women." I cut him off.

"That's what I want to say. You always stayed away from the specimen called female and now look at you. Getting all worked up over Adam who intentionally wanted to hurt you..kill you but got Lily in danger. The way your face brightened when she opened her eyes after that accident for the first time, your expressions were priceless. You looked beyond relieved. As if you saw the light for the first time. That was the first time you looked that happy. You didn't smile but relief and joy was written all over your face. And it disappeared as soon as I started telling her about the accident. If looks could kill and Adam was on the receiving end... He would have been six feet under. You looked that deadly. I never saw your face swimming with these much emotions."

I stood frozen on my place as he stopped and shook his head.

"What is it? Do you think she is dangerous for me or that she makes me vulnerable? Do you think I should not be with her?" I was now beyond confused. First he seemed to be not liking the idea of me and her and now he was defending her.

"She is the best thing that has ever happened to you. She brought you out. The real you. I know you're showing extreme emotions but I'm happy that you started to have feelings again. You were so into your job, into being the ideal leader, that you got lost. I had lost the friend who met me in the college and who used to spend as much time with his family as possible. Who lived his life fully. He was gone. And now he got back just because of her. And I'm glad that you have her. You found her. More like she found us. But I want you to accept your feelings. To accept her." He looked me dead in the eye.

"Think about it." He left afterwards. I leaned on the wall behind me and sat down. This was the first time he had talked to me like that after so many years. I had no idea that he felt like that. That he missed me. I missed my real self too but I had no time to ponder on that thought. But now that I think of it, Lily really brought out the Ryan that was lost. I had said that I wanted her when I proposed her but I though that it was just the heat of the moment and because I wanted her to agree with me. But did I really had those feelings for her? Was I good enough for her? Was I really in love? I needed to clear my head of all this mess.

I stood back up and made my way out the house. The men greeted me as I opened the door of my car. Evan's car was nowhere to be seen. He must have left after the talk that he gave me. I slid behind the driver's seat and pulled over, with no destination in my mind, I drove away...