Forgiving

three

"Oh hell no!" Mani yelled. "I-"

"Manz, please! Please don't say it. I'm begging you."

"Dinah, I-"

"I know, I know. 'You told me so.' I shouldn't have, I was stupid and I-" tears filled my eyes and I could feel my resolve breaking.

"Oh Dinah." Normani sighed heavily and beckoned me forward, arms wide open. "I wasn't going to say I told you so." She continued backing herself up into my counter top, pulling me the short distance into her arms. She held me tightly while I cried into her chest. Eyeliner and mascara mixed with my tears staining both my face and her shirt but neither of us could care. She just kissed my forehead and gently rocked us from side to side. Ally and Lauren joined in on the hug and we stayed in the small circle, entangled in each other's arms until the tears stopped falling from my eyes. Pulling away from me but keeping me well within arms reach, Normani used the pads of her thumbs to wipe my face and together they walked me upstairs to my room.

-

"The three of them literally tucked me in after offering to sleepover with me and the kids that night. I think they just wanted to make sure that I was okay. I know their heads and hearts were in the right place. And I'm so very grateful to have them but at the time I was against it. I was this close to putting their asses out of my house if they didn't leave willingly. I didn't want to be babysat and that's exactly what it felt like a little bit. Like little Dinah needed her big sisters to babysit her. It reminded me of all those years ago, back when we were first starting out as Fifth Harmony, right after The X Factor. As the oldest of eight children, seven at the time, you would think I would be used to being on my own, or rather not being so dependent on my mom. I wasn't. I was always needed around and I was always with my mother. It was my father who worked two jobs while my mother took care of us. I had separation anxiety because I had missed my dad so much, but my mother was always there. Fame changed that, X Factor changed that. Our parents couldn't always come with us all the time in the beginning, especially mine. There were six other kids in the house, eventually my baby brother Gordon was born so then there were seven that still needed the constant attention, guiding and nourishment that my mother provided. But she traveled with us as often as she could, sometimes my father would come along when I really needed him. I learned to look to Mama Drea really and Ally of course when I needed a little mother loving. Not so much Auntie Clara and Auntie Pat who sometimes came along because Lauren's mom is a math teacher. She has a bunch of students she needs to educate and keep and check. And health problems kept Auntie Pat from traveling with us. This meant I got homesick a lot, yearned for my mother's love and affection; I often looked to their moms and Ally for something similar to it when miles separated my mother and I. And it's expected with the kind of work we do. We spend weeks, sometimes months without being home and seeing our families. It was hard. Eventually my mom and I worked something out and my cousin Hoko came on the road with us. It was only supposed to be for a little while but I couldn't let my little slice of home leave me so I ended up hiring her as my personal assistant up until she went off to serve a mission. Before Hoko left though I got a new assistant, Vivian and she along with Tara kept me company most of the time. Until I switched management and was all alone again. It helped a lot when I was feeling really homesick and I thank them all. Hoko's parents as well because they could've said no. But anyways, they pushed and they pushed to stay that night."

"We even offered to watch movies like old times, anything she wanted and she turned us down. She turned down watching The Lion King and The Proposal, of all movies. I couldn't believe it." Lauren scoffed playfully with a roll of her eyes.

"Why?" Kehlani asked as she looked at us, each of them before her eyes settled on me. "One would think that in a time of need you'd want to be surrounded by your friends, no?"