Therapy

Safe distance

"I went to city hall to pay my parking ticket."

Percy turned on the light in his one room apartment.

"The line was longer than expected and I was there for a little less than an hour."

Percy walked over to the coffee pot and turned it on.

"When it finally reached my turn I walked up to the lady standing behind the desk."

Percy placed his mug beneath the coffee machine and poured cereal into a bowl.

"She seemed nice."

He pours in the milk and lifted his now full coffee cup from the coffee maker and set it down on the table.

"She had her hair tide back in a bun and a slightly crooked smile."

Percy sat down at his small table and began to eat. Between bights he repeated the words he had said so many times before.

"We chatted for a bit about the parking ticket as she went through the paperwork."

Percy lifted the coffee mug up to his lips.

"I never saw Ethan walk in."

Percy takes a sip of his black coffee as his hands began to shake.

"And I never saw..."

He drops the coffee cup. The scalding coffee falls into his lap and then on the floor and the mug shatters into a million pieces.

Percy stops reciting the words.

He thought that if he could walk himself through what happened....

Walk himself through what happened like his therapist had told him to do, he could finally get his head straight.

But he could never get to that part.

The part that really mattered.

The part where the bomb went off and Percy's life was changed forever.

The part that left him scarred in way more ways than could be seen.

Percy shook off his racing thoughts.

He couldn't do that anymore.

They would hate him if he started doing that again.

That fucking feedback loop of self hating disillusionment was the thought spiral that made his friends confront him about getting help in the first place.

He really couldn't do that again.

He had gotten help.

Had gotten medication.

He was supposed to be fine.

But he wasn't and that scared Percy.

He wasn't thinking straight anymore. The pills his doctor had described for his PTSD and the ever throbbing pain in his non existent left hand had only lasted for a few weeks.

Yet it had been four months since the accident.

No, not accident the feedback loop repeated an attack.

percy got up from the table. He undressed from his ruined pajamas and turned on a cold shower, he thought would help clear his head.

It didn't.

But a cigarette from a new box he had gotten yesterday and his prescribed pills chased with more coffee did the trick.

Well, he thought, it did the trick well enough.

***************************

Jason wasn't sure what to do.

He had just gotten a pretty awesome tattoo by a pretty awesome guy who he saw nearly everyday and yet never had the balls to talk to.

He wasn't sure if it was except able for him to get another tattoo just so he could talk to the guy.

Percy.

It was nice to put a name to the face.

And what a face it was.....

He really needed to stop think about him.

He was in a public place. And thoughts about Percy usually were sent straight to....

Well let's just say south of the equator.

But even if Jason never had his fantasy played out, it would still be nice to be friends with the guy.

A really hot guy who knows nothing about him, his family, or his past.

A fresh start.

With a person who wouldn't glare at him or pity him or come up to him yelling profanities based on things he couldn't control.

At least that was what his therapist told him.

That he couldn't control his situation.

Couldn't control his family.

Or fucking Ethan.

Ethan.....

How did that go so wrong?

It wasn't really a question. Jason knew, more than he should, really.

Ethan was the twisted, crazed, mass murdering son of a bitch Jason had created.

And of course, also his ex boyfriend.

They had gotten together nearly 3 years ago. They had dated for 30 months. That's 2years, five months and change.

Jason hadn't realized he was creating a monster until it was too late.

Thinking of Ethan properly snuffed out all thoughts of Percy. He couldn't/ wouldn't do what he did ever again.

Percy, Jason decided, was a nice thought. But he was a nice thought he needed to not pursue. He was something to keep at a safe distance.

For Percy's sake.

Eventually, if Percy ever knew of what Jason was doing, Percy would thank Jason for his act of abstinence.

Thx for reading. More details about Ethan and what he did to Percy and about how Jason fucked Ethan up next chapter.