Deadly

Chapter Three

My body aches with a familiar pain. I hated giving in to Ashden. I hated having to be in pain. But I hated having him mad at me even more than I did the temporary pain. My phone buzzes again. I turned the vibrate on after Ashden had left. I hesitate then look down at the screen. Atreyu.

Atreyu- Hey

Me- Hey

Atreyu-  Finally you write back :)

Me- Sorry. Today wasn’t a good day.

Atreyu- What happened?

Me- It’s a long story.

Atreyu- I’ll listen.

Me- I don’t want to talk about it.

Atreyu- You sure?

No. Me-Yeah.

Atreyu- Ok

Me- Can I ask you something?

I put my phone down for a minute to grab Sprinkles. I had put her away so no one could ask me about her. I didn’t want to explain that one especially to Ashden. I curl up with her in my arms savouring the smell of Atreyu still clinging desperately to her fibers.

Atreyu- Anything

Me- Will you hold me?

Atreyu- When?

Me- ASAP

Atreyu- Meet me in the park? By the lake?

Me- Let me make sure my parents are asleep.

Atreyu- Ok

I sneak out of my room, trying to walk as quietly as I can. I can hear the tv running in my parents room. The door is shut tightly to keep me out. That’s a good thing. That means I can leave and they’ll never notice. I slink back to my room and grab my phone.

Me- I’ll see you there?

Atreyu- I’m on my way

Why was I doing this to him? After I had just been with Ashden? I shouldn’t be hurting him. Even if I’m hurting inside. I pull a sweater on to conceal the faint bruise forming on the crook of my arm. Ashden couldn’t always control his anger… I was used to it though. Sometimes I felt like I deserved it.

I grab Sprinkles on the way out of my room. I close my bedroom door softly behind me and walk like a ninja down the hallway. I open the front door quietly. I shut it behind me so that they won’t hear me leave. I let my feet take over after that. Atreyu would take away the pain… even if I would make the pain worse.

The night is cold and lonely with a pale moon keeping tabs on me. I shiver as the wind picks up. My feet shuffle through the debris of leaves littering the sidewalk. The park wasn't far from home but I wished it was. Atreyu deserved better. Not just a cut-out of a girl who lived and breathed 2 years back before Ashden ever happened.

I stumble into the park with clumsy feet. My mind was in a million different places, none of which I wanted to be. Atreyu is standing by the big oak tree a couple of paces away.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Thought we were meeting by the lake.”

“Changed my mind. I wanted to be with you longer.”

I stare up at his pale face as I approach him. Why? Why did I have to do this to him? I wanted this. I wanted to be loved not hurt. Would he ever be able to forgive me if he ever found out?

“Couldn’t bare a second without me?”

“Not when your upset.” There was a look playing on his face that I had never seen before. He cared even though I didn’t deserve to be cared about. Ever.

“I’m ok.”

“You sure?”

No. “Yeah.”

“Are you lying to me?”

Yes. Yes I’m lying to you. I’ve been lying to you since day one and I’m sorry and I-”No. Why would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

I laugh. If only he knew how much easier it would be to do both. I wasn’t worth it.I wasn’t worth anything.He grabs my hand and we walk into the field to the lake. I look down and watch my feet. This was killing me inside.

He sits down and pulls me onto his lap.I feel his arms wrap around me and shiver. He felt safe and I loved it. “You alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I clear my throat.

He lays his head down on my shoulder and nuzzles my neck. I smile sadly at the ground.

“You brought Sprinkles?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“She makes me feel better.”

He reaches one arm  down and pets the unicorn resting firmly in my arms. “I’m glad I did something right.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t you know how perfect you are?”

“I’m not perfect.”

“Compared to me you are.”

“Don’t say that.”

If only you knew. “Trust me.”

He exhales loudly. “Is there something you haven’t told me?”

Yes. There’s a lot I haven’t told you. There’s a lot I’ve lied about. My weight. Ashden. Me. But I can’t tell you anything and I hate myself. “Yeah but I don’t really want to talk about any of it.”

“How bad is it?”

“Can we please change topics?”, I want to cry. I want to run home and wire my mouth shut so no one has to be hurt by my lies ever again.

“It deals with today, doesn’t it?”, he stiffens and I cringe.

“Yes”, I feel tears in my eyes ready to run at a seconds notice. I had to keep strong. I had to keep the pain in. No matter what. This was what I deserved.

“Can I have a hint?”

Why? Why was he doing this to me? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. Can’t he see that?

“I-..”, its too late to be strong now. The tears have made their stampede down my face. I can’t stop them now. I’m sobbing hard. Why did it have to be me?

“Don’t cry. Please Dec- don’t cry,” he pulls me closer, trying desperately to calm me. It’s too late now.

“You don’t understand.”

“Tell me babe.”

“I can’t.” Or else you’ll hate me.

“Why not?”

“Please…”

“What’s wrong?”, his voice isn’t kind and gentle anymore. I’m losing control. I’ll talk if I stay here any longer.

“I need to go”, I pull free of his grasp. He reluctantly lets go. I fumble on my feet for a minute, the ground threatening to pull me down. Maybe that’s where I should be though.A nice little grave with dirt above me to keep away all the demons. I couldn’t hurt people if I was six feet under.

“Why won’t you tell me Dec?”, his voice pulls me out of my thought. Don’t look back. Whatever you do don’t look back. I take off running.