Deadly

Chapter 11

hey guys heres the next part as promised

Letters are full of words. Empty words,heartless words but words nonetheless. Staring down at this tear stained paper, I hate words. I hate the messages they carry. My first letter from the outside and all I can do is die on the inside at the words on the page. Atreyu is dead.

Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead. Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.Dead.

Why?It's the only words that form in the mush of my mind. Why did God hate me? I only one reason that was pulling me through this dark abyss of a life. And he was now six feet under the ground wrapped up neat in a wooden cocoon.What did I do to deserve this? What did he do?

The tears come and drain away the life in me. I sing in my sleep:

"Rain, Rain, Go away..."

My voice is broken and scarred. Just like me. I can't tell which way is up and down. Where was the sun when you needed it to shine the most? Where was my mom who was supposed to hold me and rub my back and tell me it was ok? Where was the nurses with their shiny needles who made everything fade to darkness? Where was Atreyu...when I needed him?

I hold myself and try to sleep but the nightmares won't leave me be. I guess my disease had finally spread to him.I had killed him. I had done this to him. I had no one else to blame but myself. It was my knife that severed him in half. I cheated. I lied. And my pain and disease was the end that met him all too soon.

So now the question was why am I still here? What is stopping me from meeting my end as well? I was a walking disease spreading my fingers out and entangling everyone into my web of deceit. How many more would die because of me?

I shudder at the thought. I didn't want this. I never wanted my life to become this. I wanted Atreyu. I wanted to be happy and loved.But I could never have that again...

Far away the old me waits behind a glass wall. The me that still knew how to laugh. The me who embraced life with all she had left to give. Maybe that's where Atreyu is. Maybe I can be with them. Maybe life could be better. If I just tried...If I just take baby steps..No matter what those steps may be...I'll survive...I'll survive with y disease kept safe from everyone else...I'll die alone...