Take Me Back

Chapter 13

Now - Lauren

“Fuck… fuck… fuck…” I mutter to myself as I pace the expanse of my room over and over again, continuously running my hand through my hair as I inwardly scold myself for how horridly I’ve managed to screw things up with Camila. I pull my phone from my back pocket and once again dial her number, hoping to every god out there that she will finally answer.

What does she mean by, now I’m going to be the one to know how it feels to have questions?

“C’mon Camz…” I squeeze my eyes shut when it only rings once before informing me that the person isn’t accepting calls at this time.

She blocked me. The most accepting and forgiving person… the one that is so afraid of confrontation her hands shake and her first instinct is to run far away… the sweetest person I’ve ever known, blocked me.

“She’s done with me.” I say out loud to myself, my knees buckling at the realization, just enough to make me reach for my desk in order to keep myself standing upright. I’m finally realizing that even though I’ve acted as though Camila does not mean much to me, as though I was over her sudden departure, I had still held onto the hope that we would someday be okay again. That there could be some completely valid reason for why she left me the way that she did. That was a big part of the reason why I had not wanted her to explain why she left, because a part of me knew that it was for something important, that she really did love me and that I could forgive her for doing it. And I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay angry at her. More than that, I wanted a reason to be angry with her. A big part of me had believed that she was just too good to be true. That someone like could couldn’t really exist. I mean, how could she? How could anyone be that selfless and so inherently good? Looking back at it now, I had been waiting for her to mess up, for her to prove to me that I couldn’t have a happy ending.

I didn't think I deserved a happy ending.

My biggest mistake was that I didn’t take her feelings into consideration. I failed to take her happy ending into consideration. All because I didn’t believe I could be her happy ending.

Now, all because of me, we both may not get one.

“Oh god, I’m so selfish…” I groan out to myself, rubbing my eyes harshly with the heels of my palms.

I pace the expanse of my room a few more times, nibbling on my lip in thought. What do I do now? She obviously doesn’t want to talk to me, so that pretty much cancels out going to her dorm. I could always call Dinah…

I wince when that thought crosses my mind, knowing I’ll be met with one of her infamous poly beatdowns. She’s probably dying to beat the absolute crap out of me, I knew she was pissed when she found out I had been hanging out with Lucy so publicly, I think she knew I was just using her to make Camila jealous.

Goddammit I really am an asshole.

I contemplate calling Ally and asking her for help, or at least a hug…

But then I remember the look she gave me when she saw me forward Camila’s call last week, and then when I simply read the text she had sent me right after asking if I wanted to grab coffee with her, Ally was very disappointed when I left her on read.

I’m pretty sure the whole entire campus knows why I can’t call Lucy…

That only leaves one person, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t no longer involve her in my drama, I really need a friend right now.

With a deep rooted sigh, I run a hand through my hair and hesitantly scroll through my contacts until I reach her name, pausing for a moment, I think about the broken look on Camila’s face when she kicked me out of her room and with a wince I force myself to press call.