Dirty Little Secret (Josh Devine Fanfiction)

Mokuna 'Eiwa

After storming out of the room I ended up sitting with my back against the wall in the hallway facing the door to me and Josh's room. I was out here for about 15 minutes and I felt slightly dismayed that Josh hadn't left the room. I had heard him get up from the bed and walk around a bit but now all I could hear was silence.

I felt tears sting in the back of my eyes and my throat began to swell up. This whole cover up of me and Josh's relationship thing was affecting me more than I had expected. I admit, with some embarrassment, that Josh was my first -- which also means my only serious boyfriend that I have ever had.

Growing up, my parents had always either been busy at work or busy arguing with one another. This inadvertently gave me the responsibility of caring for my younger brother and sister. My social life was restricted within the confines of school, and I spent most of my time there focusing on my studies or hiding away in the library to read books.

I'm a nerd, I know.

Problems with my parents only grew worse as time went on. Arguments were more frequent and increasingly violent. I had to cope with my teenage hormone changes while simultaneously playing peacemaker with my mom and dad and mother for my siblings. 

Harry was the one person I was closest to, and he lived 7,000 miles away. I would text him regularly and keep him updated on my life, and he would text me about how things were going at the X Factor. Harry would promise me that if and when his career takes off, he'd fly me up to live with him.

When it happened, and I was suddenly seeing his face everywhere, he offered to fly me up to him immediately. But I refused, I had to be there for Carson and Rylee, I couldnt leave. 

But then... well, things happened. Very bad things. And I couldn't stay there any longer.

So I guess that explains very briefly why I was where I was now. 

Meeting Josh was the first thing to make me happy in years, and he knows me almost as much as Harry does. He meant so much to me, and I couldn't stand to lose him. Not now, not ever. 

I stood up and stared at the door for a while, battling between walking in there again or going to find Harry. I was too embarrassed to walk back into the room, so I turned down the hall to find Harry's room. I knocked on his door and waited, there was a shuffle of a few pairs of feet and muffled British accents before the door opened and a bright eyed face topped with a curly mop of brown hair popped out.

"Hey Molsa." he grinned at me and opened the door the rest of the way to reveal his messy room and three other lads. 

"Hey Curly." I half smiled at him. He moved aside so I could squeeze past him. I was welcomed with a hello from Louis, Zayn, and Niall. 

With my mental state I would have expected to be less than comfortable with a lot of company, but it somehow already lightened my mood. I sat down on the bed next to Niall, who turned to me and smiled at me boyishly. 

"How are things with you and Josh?" he asked in a hushed voice so as not to be overheard. 

I shrugged, "Im not sure anymore." my tone was somber and Nialls cheery demeanor deflated a bit.

"He cares about you a lot, you know." 

I sighed and nodded, "I know."

Harry came to join us and he slung a long, lean arm around my shoulders. "You came at the perfect time, the boys and I were just planning to head out." 

The prospect of going out enticed me and also made me a bit apprehensive. How would Josh react if I went out? Would he be angry? Indifferent?

"You should come." Niall coaxed gently. "It'll give you a chance to cool down a bit and take a break. It's hard to take a break from each other when you're on a tour." He smirked knowingly.