Living in Sin (On Hold)

47 _ A. R. T

"I'm gonna go downstairs and get some dinner, and when I see you next time, I don't wanna hear any of this anymore, got it?" I intoned, turning around to leave. I sensed him shift but he didn't try to stop me this time. At least, not physically.

"Jennifer won't go back alone, Nik. She's gonna take Rina with her." I stopped in my tracks, and stood at the door. "Tell me."

He started walking over while it finally occurred to me, and all I kept thinking was 'I can't let that happen.'

"Would you have saved her if it wasn't Rina that drowned? Would you have gotten behind the wheel of that truck if it wasn't for Rina? You need her, Nik. She's about the only one that makes you not think about Danny or Marilyn before you do anything that has anything to do with their deaths."

"Listen--"

"If you lose her, you lose your chance to get out of this life."

"Listen, jerk-off!" I looked him square in the eye, pointing a finger into his face, as he came to stand before me. "Don't you even think of saying something stupid to Rina and mess things up. I'm warning you. I will hurt you."

I spun around and walked out, slamming the door shut in his face, only to slouch back on the wall with a deep sigh. I hated Steve for trying to be such a smart-ass back there but there was one favor he did me – giving me a reality check. I finally realized I had to up the ante.

To be honest, I hadn't cared if our parents found out about us, even if there still wasn't an us. I still didn't care even at this moment, because if I could only make Rina understand, the rest would be easy street for me. But everything would be gone – my life would be gone – if something stupid happens that makes her feel betrayed. I just left that something stupid standing in that room.

I sighed and shook my head to rid of the stupid shit swirling around in it. I'd said to Steve I was going down for dinner but food sounded like hell to me right now. Though, seeing Rina seemed like a perfect getaway from all this. Elizabeth's room was only about two feet from the top of the staircase so from where I was standing I could see a little of what was going on down there if I just moved a little.

So I moved a little. And there I saw the two standing by the kitchen. Then their conversation carried over to my ears.

 "Maybe I should go tell Steve we're going out."

"Yeah, good call. He's upstairs probably ... ..."

It was then that something clicked in my mind. If she was gonna find out about this, I won't let it come from someone else. I'd confess my love for her. Indirectly or not, it had to be me who does that. So when that thought turned into a resolve in my head, I'd already turned around and walked back into the room, leaving the door ajar.

"Okay, you wanna talk about it?" Standing at the window, he turned to look at me with a surprised face as I sat down at the foot of the bed. "Let's talk about it."

"I'm just trying to talk you out of it, Nik."

"I'm all ears."

Suspicion did mix into the surprise in his eyes but that didn't stop his urge to lecture me on life – my life, for f*ck's sake!

"Look, I get it. That girl is beautiful. I even had a crush on her for the first couple of days," he confessed with a straight face and sat back down on the stool. "But let's face it. Girls like that are dime a dozen for you."

"Right," I gave him a sarcastic nod, "go on."

"Before yesterday, that probably was your only reason. Then she had to drown. She had to give you the chance. The chance that you never got with Danny."

My gaze hardened on him. I glanced back at the door as if I could see through it, secretly hoping she'd be there in time before I lose it and throw him out the window behind him.

"I get how you must've felt when she coughed that water out, Nik. When you realized that you saved her. I saw it in the video. We all did. The thing that really shocks me is how you went from that point. You could've let her in, Nik. You could've let her do what Danny would've done."

"You wanna watch it, Rodgers," I seethed. "You no longer have that right to talk about my family."

"But this ... ... this is wrong. Even if it's just to get back at your father, Rina doesn't deserve it. What you want from her is--"

"F*ck! Tell me then." When I finally realized it, I'd already grabbed him up by the collar of his shirt and had him pinned to the window pane. "What do I want from her?"

He finally showed some kind of exasperation as he answered. "Thrill."

"What the f*ck are you talking about?"

"Tell me she never felt like Danny to you, Nik." He shoved my hands off of him and I let him, my mind off of him at that moment. "She does, doesn't she? So lie to me and say that doesn't turn you on."

"You'd better stop talking."

"It's so taboo yet you can justify yourself because you're not related by blood. Cut to the chase, hurting your father is just an excuse."

"Stop," I growled, shivering with rage.

"You get the most exciting catch you've ever had yet, and you can still brush it off as an act of denial. I don't think you've even thought about the girl who comes here in hopes of a family and gets--"

He was lucky he'd moved to his side a little. If he hadn't, he would've fallen backwards through the window with the way I shoved him into the wall.

"I want her?" I half-yelled and he just stared back, practically expressionless. "You think I want her? ... No, I don't want her, Steve."

"Don't try to deny--"

"Because you just don't want someone you're in love with for life," I found myself breathing hard. it wasn't just anger I was letting for at this moment. It was this secret that I'd been holding inside. "You know ... you know something? Do you know what happened before my opinion of her changed?"

At long f*cking last, he finally seemed to notice in my eyes what I'd been having to hide. Hell, I'd just screamed it in his ears.

"Yes, did you ever wonder why I suddenly started trying to be nice to her after she came back from Sydney?" He just waited without so much as a blink of an eye for a reply. "I saw the side of her that you won't ever get to see that night."

None of us really remembered I still had him pinned against the wall. It didn't matter at that moment.

"And can you imagine where that happened? In her bed, both of us naked."

"You're not saying ..."

"Yes, I had sex with her. it was the first thing I did before I really got to know her. That might give you some second thoughts before you say I'm lusting after her next time."

My breathing finally slowed and my heart began to calm, only to leap back into my throat when I remembered the situation I myself had created. I let go of my hold on the shock-ridden best friend of mine, hobbled my way to the door and pulled it open.

What I found there left me in a fog of disbelief, relief – and yes, in some parts, disappointment.

There was no one outside.

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<< A/N: I edited Nik and Steve's conversation in the last post to make this chapter work better. It's nothing. I just changed the order of two sentences and fixed some words. Stuff like that. You don't need to read it again, unless of course you want to xD. Sorry I'm taking long to update. I'll put other books on hold after doing one chapter for one of them, and focus more on LiS. >>