We Both Fucked Up

28

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know, but we definitely not now." I assured and he nodded his head. A few seconds of awkward silence, he grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him. "I miss you." He told me.

I miss you too. I miss everything about you. Your scent, smile, laugh and no matter how annoying you were, I missed being around you. I miss when you would poke my butt to stop me from falling asleep, but I still would either way. I miss crawling on top of you every morning to get you to wake up. I miss cuddling and just staying in and watching reruns of Martin.

I wanted to tell Chris this so badly but for some reason the words wouldn't come out. As much as I love Chris, it was a process for me and there was no way I could just put all the hurt and pain behind me.

I was looking in his eyes and he was looking in mine. He was searching for the answers that I couldn't give to him.

"HAPPY NEW YEARS!"

I heard screaming coming from inside of the club. Chris leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I slowly pulled away and looked at him. "What was that for?" I questioned. "Just to make sure that you come into the new year wit' me." He told me.

"Oh." I replied standing here awkwardly. "I'm gonna go." I said getting ready to walk away. "Want me to drive you home?" He asked. At first I was going to say no, but I was realized that it was better for him to take me home than a random person at midnight.

I nodded my head, "Yeah." - "Aight c'mon." He said and started walking over to his car. I was looking out the window as Chris drove. I realized that my phone was turned off so when I turned it back on, I had about 7 miss calls and  over 45 text messages from Cardi, so I quickly called her.

"Hello?" She picked up sounding nervous. "What's wrong sis?" I asked very confused.
"Where are you?"
"I'm going home."
"You're in a taxi?"
"No, Chris is driving me."
I heard her let out a deep breath.
"You scared the shit out of me. Why didn't you let me know?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."
"It's fine as long as you're safe. But I'm going to spend the night with August, okay?"
I could literally feel my heart pounding out of my chest.
"You guys can't stay here? I don't want to be alone."
"Never mind that I asked, I'll just come home."
It was New Years and as scared as I was to be alone, I didn't want to ruin Cardi's night.
"No girl, go have fun with your man. It's just one night, I'll be fine."
"Are you sur-"
"Yes sis, I was just overreacting." I told her.
"Okay. Call me once you get home alright? I'll be back before you even wake up."
I told her okay and that I loved her before hanging up.

By the time I finished talking to Cardi, Chris pulled up to the front of my apartment. "Chris." I said before leaving. "Yeah?" - "Can you spend the night with me? I don't wanna be alone." I told him.

"Yeah das' cool." He said parking his car into the driveway. When we got to the apartment, I quickly removed my shoes and slid out of my small dress. I threw one a long white tee and black shorts. Since I wasn't tired, I went into the living room and started watching cartoons.

As I watching the show, I was pressing on my lower abdomen since I still had a lot of pain. "You good?" Chris asked me as he sat across from me. "I'm fine." I replied and he just gave me a look as if he didn't believe me. "No, I'm not pregnant." I said answering the question he was thinking. "Why you all of da' sudden feeling pain?"

I shrugged my shoulder, "I don't know." He got up and sat besides me, "Lemme see." He said before putting pressure against my stomach. "Ow!" I groaned before moving away from him. "You needa get ya' self checked out because there's something wrong wit' you. I barely even touched ya' belly and you out here screaming."

"I already went to a doctor." - "And what they say?" - "He just said I wasn't pregnant nor did I have any infections and he didn't see anything wrong." Chris didn't say anything, the last thing I remembered was falling asleep.

Chris

After I put Brianna in her bed, I went into the living room and waited for Cardi to come back. Around 7 in the morning, she finally walked into the apartment with her hair in a bun and holding onto her heels. After chatting it up for a while, I decided to go back home.

Next Morning

I was on my way to my mamas house to catch up with her and my little sister since I ain't talk to them ina' hot minute. I walked straight into her apartment since I already had a key. "Hey mama!" I yelled as I walked to the kitchen where I knew I would find her. "How you doing?"

I gave her a hug before walking into the kitchen fully, "A nigga livin', how about you?" I asked opening the fridge and picking into the fridge looking for some food. "I'ma needa ya' to talk to Sierra because now that she gettin' older, she starting to not be that little innocence girl anymore." She told me.

"Where she at?" I asked. Sierra been getting older and understanding life as she gets older and I know that I definitely have to talk to her. "She in her room." My mom told me and I nodded my head and walked into her room and she was laying on her bed, listening to music while quickly typing into her room smiling.

"Hey SiSi." I said but she clearly couldn't hear me because I could even hear the music blasting from her headphones. So I went closer to her and tapped on her shoulder and she quickly got up and hid the phone underneath her thigh. I sat next to her and she just looked at me.

"Damn, you can't even give your big brother a hug?" I asked her and she smiled before hugging me. "How you been?" I question. She shrugged her shoulders, "I'm good. I missed you."

"I miss you too. How you and mom been?" - "She always on my back for no reason." She told me. "You know mom is just tryna' watch out for you." She sighed, "It's not like I'm doing anything bad." She said. "Lemme see ya' phone." I said. - "Why?"

"I wanna see some real quick." I told her again, she slowly handed me her phone and I looked through it and I clicked on a text message with the contact saved under the name Jessica. But the way Sierra and "Jessica" was texting, I knew it was a guy.

"Aye, who's dis'." - "That's my friend." She said trying to take the phone back.

I smacked my lips, "Man, watch out. That ain't no way friends should be talking to each other." I replied. "We're just friends!"

"I'm about to call up dis' nigga because I'on what friends calling each other baby with kissy face and the wet emojis." I scolded. She hung her head low and didn't say anything. "You got something to say?"

She continue to not say anything. "Sierra?" - "I'm gay." She blurted out and she began to cry. "Jessica isn't a guy. She's my girlfriend." She cried. I pulled her close and allowed her to cry on my shoulders. "Why you ain't tell me?

"You guys barely want me to have a boyfriend, you expect me to tell you guys about a girlfriend?" She told me. "Do she treat you well?" I asked and she nodded her head. "Does she respect you?" She nodded her head. "You in love wit' her?" She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know."

"Then I approve of this little girlfriend of yours." - "Please don't tell mama." She begged. "I won't, but you know you eventually gonna have to tell her."

"I know, but I want to tell her on my own." She said. "Alright, I won't tell." I said before fake zipping my lips closed and throwing away the key. She laughed before giving me a hug. "I love you Chris." She told me.

"I love you too SiSi. You be good now okay?" I told her before standing up and leaving the room. I went into the living room and my mom walked over to me? "How was she?" She asked.

"Nothings wrong wit' her. She just growing up, okay?" I told her and my mom nodded her head. I gave her a hug before leaving.