Today is exciting because the center officially re-opens. All the hard work that everyone had put it in the past has paid off. All the days of re-painting, renovating and cleaning were worth it. Everyone helped, and although it was very tiring, it’s also been very fun. There were a lot of people than we were expecting, but every employee and volunteer was willing to devote their time. The happiness that I felt was indescribable. “Thank you” I whispered to Ian. “You are most welcome, my love” he said gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek.
Closing time finally arrived and everyone was ready to call it a day. “Hey, you guys wanna come with us? We’re going out for dinner, and some drinks probably?” Tanya invited Ian and I while we were trying to finish cleaning the office. I looked at Ian and he looked at me. He knew I was tired, but still he asked, “do you want to go?” “PRESSURE MUCH?” my inner goddess asked. I didn’t answer and just gave him another look. “Sorry, guys, maybe next time” he said to them. “That’s okay, it looks like some else is knocked out too” Phoebe said as she points to Bailie who fell asleep on the couch.
I noticed that she looked really tired the past week. She wasn’t the usual energetic, enthusiastic and talkative Bailie. “You okay?” I asked one day but she just nodded. Anyway, I shrugged it off thinking it was just all the work that we did that drained her energy. “Hey, time to wake up” Ian said as he tried to wake her up. She stood slowly, “sorry, I was just really tired.” “That’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home.” All through the ride home, she was asleep, and even when we arrived at their house, she went directly to her room and slept. “What is up with her?” I asked Ian. He sighed, “I have no idea.”
We both sat on the couch that evening, drinking hot coffee as Ian does some work from home and while I was watching TV. We usually do this and we love it. Just stay at home, his or mine, and just watch a movie or any good show while stuffing our faces with food, usually the unhealthy kind. I didn’t mind though, because this is like our down time. We get to talk about a lot of things, I get to rant about work and he never judges me, and sometimes he complains too. Yes, we sometimes talk about the future – our future together, which makes me all giddy inside. “Babe” he suddenly said. “Hmmm?” I replied without even looking at him. “Big Bang Theory ka ba?” he asked, with a serious tone, mind you.
I looked at him in disbelief, but I couldn’t help but laugh, “bakit?” I asked.
He looked at me, “kasi nabuo ang mundo ko dahil sayo.”
We both laughed. “Kainis! Ang corny mo naman eh” I said and still laughed.
“Isa pa, hindi ba nilalanggam yang labi mo?” he asked.
“Bakit naman?”
“Kasi ang tamis ng ngiti mo eh.”
“Sus! Tama na nga yan! Tapusin mo na yang trabaho mo” I said to him and continued to watch TV.
“Okay, pero isa na lang. I swear!” he said. I intentionally ignored him.
He shook me from side to side, “Baaabbbeee! Please, makinig ka na. Last na” he begged.
“Okay, fine” I looked at him with a smile.
“Alam mo ba may kamukha ka” he said.
“Sino?”
“Yung future wife ko” he said with a cute grin.
I laughed, “kung ganyan ka magpropropose sakin, wag ka na mag-expect ah” I said to him. He laughed and gave me a hug. “What is wrong with you ba?” I asked. “Nothing. I just got bored dito sa mga trabaho ko” he said. “Hay nako, Christian Bautista, tapusin mo na lang yan.” Everything was still after that. All you could hear was the sound from the TV and Ian typing.
Suddenly we heard a scream. We looked at each other and then rushed to Bailie’s room. Ian opened the door and we saw her sitting on her bed with her hand covering her ears. She was quite hysterical, “MAKE IT STOP! I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE!” she screams over and over again. Ian hugged her trying to calm her down. “It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare” he said repeatedly. Once she finally calmed down, Ian told her to just go back to sleep. “NO!” she shouted. I could tell he was stressed out by the situation. “Okay, first, you do not use that tone of voice at me, and second, you told me it’s time to grow up, now stop being a baby and go back to sleep” he scolded. “Ian, stop it, okay? Just calm down” I whispered to him. He sighed, “Sorry, Bay, but really, just get back to sleep. You’ll be fine in the morning.” “No, you don’t understand” she said. “Well then, help us understand” he said calmly.
“Every time I fall asleep, I see it – the accident, mom and dad, the cars, the noise. I see it over and over and over again. It’s like I’ve been there again and again. I just don’t want it anymore.” she narrated. I finally figured out why she looked like she was tired all this time. She didn’t want to sleep, she was scared to sleep. “Poor child” my inner goddess said. Both Ian and I did not know what to say to even comfort her. “Hey, look at me” I said to her in the softest voice. “It’s okay to remember and it’s okay to be afraid, but never let fear consume you.” I told her to lie down and I lied beside her. I gave her pep talks and it didn’t take long for her to finally fall asleep again. Ian on the other was talking on the phone with Bailie’s psychologist from California.
The phone call took quite a while. When he was done I could tell that he was already tired. “Sleep?” I asked. He sighed, “yes, please.” We lay down next to each other, ready to call it a day. “So, what did the doctor say?” I asked. “She said that it’s all part of grieving. Childhood Traumatic Grief” he answered. “Even though she may show signs that she’s finally moving on all this time, it could also be a sign that she was still stuck in that moment of the accident and was only hiding it by trying to be happy. The doctor also said that children suffering from CTG may express sudden bursts of emotion, like what just happened, due to stressors even though the accident happened a long time ago” he continued. “I wonder what that stressor could be” he said. “Her birthday” I said. He sighed, “Oh my god, you’re right. Her birthday’s coming up.”
“Babe?” he said. “What?” “You think I’ll be a good father someday? I mean, I handled that situation pretty badly.” I moved closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder, “I think you’ll be a great dad.” “Maybe I will, shempre kung ikaw yung mommy” he said. “Sus, ayan ka na naman eh.” He laughed, “why? Kinikilig ka naman?” “Whatever!” I said without looking at him. “Cute mo talaga! Good night” he said and kissed the top of my head. “Good night” I said and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips.
