This is it. It’s the last of the day of the center. “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can say goodbye. I don’t really want to” I said to myself, but I still went there anyway. The ambiance was very different. It’s like everyone is mourning. There were still a few animals left that were also set to be transferred today. After that, this will all be empty- just an empty property. All we needed to do today was to pack up everything that is marine life related. Everyone had lunch together – like a farewell party. It’s crazy how I got too attached to this place. I mean, if you think about it, it’s just a damn property. But then, if you put the animals and the amazing employees, it’s like home away from home.
“Hey” I said to Bailie as I sat next to her by the pool after lunch. I never got a reply, but I didn’t mind. We were all too sad to talk. “I wonder who bought it” she said after a good while. “But whoever they are, I hope they put it to good use, and I mean really good use. Like an orphanage or something or maybe a recreational center.” She then hugged her knees and bowed her head. I bet all this time she was hoping that this day won’t come. She was holding on to hope – to every drop of it, but now, it looks like she’s just giving up. I felt sorry for her, and for myself. “What does it matter anyway? It’s just an empty property now” I told her, trying to hold back my tears. “You know, the only thing we can do right now is to focus on what matters, and those are the memories that we’ve made here. They can’t take that away from us” I said. We didn’t spend the whole day at the center. We didn’t wanna see the last of the animals go.
After getting Bailie home, I found myself wandering around town. I don’t know where I’m going. “Anywhere but home” my inner goddess said. But then my feet led me to the church. I sat on one of the benches to hopefully let it all sink in. It seems like I’m losing everything. I probably pushed them away. That’s it. The problem is me. I push people away. “There should be like a rehab for that” my inner goddess said. A lot of things were going through my mind. This is why I don’t like being alone, especially when I’m sad. I don’t wanna drown in my thoughts, because no one will be there to save me.
I just sat there alone for God knows how long, until someone sat beside me. “Sabihin mo lang kung nalulunod ka na, para naman masagip kita” he said. “Bakit mo naman ako sasagipin?” I asked. It took a while before he answered, “dahil ayokong mawala ka ulit. Hindi na kita bibitawan this time.” I chuckled, but then the tears just started flowing from my eyes. “Hindi naman ikaw yung bumitaw dati eh.”
“Pero hinayaan kitang mawala.”
“Hindi ka ba napapagod? Okay lang naman eh. Just tell me.” “NO. WAIT. STOP PUSHING HIM AWAY, RACHELLE. STOP IT!” my inner goddess said.
“Kung pagod na ko, eh di sana wala ako ngayon dito.”
“Araw araw kong pinagsisihan na iniwan kita. Yes, may nakita akong iba, pero ikaw pa rin yung hinahanap ng puso ko.”
He held my hand and said, “Shhh. That’s enough. We cannot dwell on the past, Rachelle. What’s important is we’re here now. I admit, I also found someone. Akala ko okay na ko. Pero nung bumalik ka, kasabay nun ang pagbalik ng pagmamahal ko para sayo. And I realized na hindi naman pala yun nawala. But Rachelle, you cannot blame yourself for everything.”
“WHY ARE YOU SO KIND TO ME?” my inner goddess shouted. There was a moment of silence. Everything was so surreal. I can’t believe he’s here. He’s here with me. “Look, what happened in the past must stay in the past. I want us to have a fresh start.”
“Us?” I asked.
He nodded, held my face and looked straight into my eyes, “yes, us – together. And that can only happen kung patatawarin mo na yang sarili mo. Tama na. Wag ka na magsisi. I’m here, you’re here – that’s what matters.”
He was right. I can’t keep blaming myself for everything. He’s here ready to love again and the only way I can fully love him back is to let go of the past and forgive myself. “So, what do you say?” he asked. “YES! YES! FRESH START. I’D LOVE THAT!” my inner goddess shouted. I was out of words, so I just hugged him. Hugged him like a child who finally found her home after being lost for so long. I hugged him like I’ve never hugged him before. I forgot how secured I felt when I’m in his arms. “I love you” he whispered. It took me a while to stop sobbing but then I finally said, “I love you too.” I didn’t want this moment to end.
***
“BAAIIILLIIIEEE!” I shouted as I entered their house. Don’t worry, they’re used to it. “Jesus, is there like a fire or something? You broke my eardrums!” she said as she was coming down the stairs. “No, but someone’s here to see you. Look!” “Who?” Ian entered the door, but there was a moment of silence. “Uhm, welcome back to me?” he said with the cutest face. She ran to hug him and it was the cutest thing ever. “Ouch! What was that for?” he said after Bailie gave him a little punch in the stomach. “That was for leaving me.” She gave another punch, “this is for leaving Rachelle,” and another, “and that’s for not calling me while you were away!” The punches weren’t even hard but you can tell she was using all of her might to do it. “Okay! That’s enough, cutie!” “Remind me again never to leave her alone with you” he said to me. I laughed, “What can I say? we have each other’s back.”
“I have one more surprise for you two. Let’s go!” he said. “Where?” I asked. “Basta!” “OH NO! I’ve had enough surprises for today” Bailie said. “Ang kulit niyo naman eh. Let’s go, okay?” Bailie and I looked at each other, “fine!” we said in harmony. We were driving on a familiar way and he parked the car on a familiar place. I was just here.
“What are we doing here?” Bailie asked. I could tell she’s annoyed. Ian didn’t entertain her question and walked inside and we followed him. “Sir, you didn’t say you’re visiting today” the director said. I was so confused, “Ian? What’s going on?” He just smiled and did not answer. “Yeah, sorry about that” he said to the director. “Look, I’m a very busy man and I obviously can’t run this on my own. I want all the animals back. I want this to be the marine center everyone knew it was. I want everyone retained. Don’t worry about the funding.” The director looked stunned. “Yes, sir. I will make the arrangements right away” he said and walked off. “What was that about?” I asked. “Did you just work your sass on the director? And you’re a guy!” Bailie said. He looked at me. “You didn’t” I said as I figured everything out. He nodded. “Yes, I did. Everything will be back to the way it was.” “THERE’S NO WAY!” my inner goddess said. I guess Bailie already realized what was happening because she hugged Ian and said “this is ridiculous, but thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”
I was in shock even when we got home. “How?” I asked him. “I found out through my secretary because I wanted to know how Bailie was doing. She said the center is closing due to monetary problems and the property was put on sale. I know how important that place is to Bailie and to you. I didn’t want you guys to lose it too.” I sighed and face him, “thank you for everything, for loving me again.” “I wouldn’t want to love anyone else but you.” He kissed me and I kissed him back, and in this moment, I was sure. I was sure he’s the one because his arms were my home, his voice was my favorite song and I feel invincible when I’m with him.
