Things I Cannot Say

Kabanata 15

Kabanata 15

Mabilis na lumubog ang araw sa kalangitan, dahilan para pumalit ang mga bituin sa ibabaw. The full moon was reflecting from the window pane where I am watching another snow fall. Malamlam na tumutugtog ang isang malamyos na awitin galing sa kalapit na kwarto. Maaamoy naman ang sopas na hinanda ni Theo para sa aming dalawa ngayong dinner. I was already finished emptying my bowl, while he is still not yet done. It seems like a peaceful night. But to me it isn't.

Patuloy pa rin akong nangangamba sa magiging desisyon ni Rosalind. Willing naman akong palayain si Theo sa tabi ko kung taliwas ang maging desisyon ni Rosalind sa akin. As long as I know that Theo is safe somewhere. As long as I know where he is staying.

What can you say?

I know that he was referring to the food. Or maybe he wrote it because I was so silent the whole time.

The soup was fantastic! Thank you.

Nariyan nanaman ang ngiti ni Theo. His teeth is back to its proper color. Di man ganoon kaperpekto, atleast maputi na ito ngayon. Buti na lang at may spare toothbrush si Rosalind sa cupboard. Ang problema na lang ay ang timbang niya at ang haircut. If Rosalind will not agree about what I want, I would give him a nice haircut before he leaves. And I hope that it will not be the last time that I will do something for him. I really do wish that he will be okay at Olivia's place, just in case things goes south. What the hell? I don't why I am so sad.

The french conversation that the characters in the television were almost a whisper. My mind is busy drifting off to somewhere in the future. Kung aalis ba si Theo, babalik kaya siya rito sa tapat ng apartment? Papayag ba siyang iwan ako? Maaalagaan kaya siya roon nang maayos? Not that I don't trust Olivia. I just don't have enough knowledge on her babysitting skills. Lalo na at lagi pang wala si Oli sa kanila pagkat lagi siyang naalis.

Pinuntahan ko ang cellphone kong nagchacharge sa socket ng sala. Si Theo na mapilit ay ang nag hugas ng mga pinagkainan. I don't have enough mood to have an argument with him about the house chores kaya hinayaan ko na lang muna siya. Pagbigyan ko na, tutal I am still uncertain on what will Rosalind tell me about the message I've sent her about my humble request.

Binuksan ko ang phone, there is no message from her. Bumagsak ang balikat ko sa pagkabigo and at the same ay umangat din naman dahil sa ginhawa.

Nanood na lamang ako ng tv kahit walang maintindihan. Books? I don't even have the right mood to read. Nakita ko ang notebook na sinusulatan namin ni Theo. I picked it up and flip the 5 pages we already filled. I wonder what's the direction that this story is heading. That mystery around it is what makes me excited about continuing this with him. But I'm not in the mood for it as well. Ibinaba ko na ang notebook sa coffee table at napatingin kay Theo na ngayon ay palabas na ng kusina. He is wearing one of my statement tee shirt na nakalagay ang mga salitang Its More Fun In The Philippines. Isang pajama naman na loose sa kaniya ang pang ibaba. Lumapit siya sa kinaroroonan ko at sumalampak sa sofa dahilan para bahagya itong umalog. Despite of his skinny figure, he remains the usual heavy guy.

Wanna write?

Sorry Theo. My hands are tired.

How come?

I don't know.

He sighed and picked a book from one of the shelves. Saglit niya akong tinignan at ningitian bago ituon ang pansin sa binabasang pahina.