Scarlett
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" I stretch out across Asher's bed as I ask him the question that as of lately, has been keeping me up at night. Although his relationship ended tragically, I figure Asher is the most qualified out of my very small selection of friends to answer my question.
"I mean- I guess so. You could definitely fall in love with someone you just met. It's possible." He shoots a crumpled ball of paper into his waste bin. "Kobe."
"Was it at first sight for you and Lainey?" I choose to ignore his aspirations of being in the NBA and get some answers instead. Since Asher first told me about Lainey a few weeks ago, I noticed that he's been more comfortable speaking about her. He mentions her more frequently and that look of pain and regret he had when he first told me about her has been replaced with love and contentment. And to think all it took was for him to talk about what happened instead of bottling it up and dealing with his grief alone.
"I don't really know. I first met Lainey when I first moved in when I was 11. I don't remember much about that day, but I do remember meeting this annoyingly bold little blonde who instead of bringing a plate of cookies to her new neighbors like most people would do, asked them for some and then proceed to tell their son that he 'sucked' for not having any. I thought she was the prettiest girl I ever laid eyes on, even if she was a rude little shit." He spins around in his desk chair and stares longingly out the window towards the house that once belonged to his first love. He lets out a long sigh and I know that she's going to be on his mind all day now. "Maybe it was love at first sight. Maybe when I first met her I fell in love with her, I just didn't know it at the time. It took her punching me in the nose in middle school for me to realize it. But that's a story for another time."
"Oh," is the only response I give him. I'm reading too much into this.
"Why the question about love and Lainey? You think you're in love with someone you barely know and you think you just don't know it yet? Or better yet you're trying to convince yourself that you're not in love?" If this were a game of darts Asher would have gotten a bullseye. Damn him for being able to read me so well.
"No. I just wanted your take on the issue that's all." That's partially true I did want his take on it, I just don't tell him why.
"If you say so..." By the way, he says it I can tell that my answer isn't good enough for him.
"I don't believe in love at first sight" I state matter of factly. "It seems shallow to say you love someone the moment you laid eyes on them because that implies that you only love them based on appearances. I can see attraction at first sight but not love. That 's too strong of a word to just toss around like that."
"Wow and to think I thought you were a hopeless romantic." Asher rolls his eyes at his sarcastic comment. He shoots another ball of paper, "Curry."
"Hopeless romantics are just naive people craving love and attention from anyone who gives them the time of day aka not me. They base their happiness and self-worth on someone."
"Not necessarily. They just want love like most people do, just a little more desperately than others. And their love is more intense. But I don't see how that's a bad thing."
"It's a really bad thing. What happens when the person you based your happiness and self-worth ups and leaves you? Then what? Are you nothing? It just seems really self-destruction to me to depend on another person for something like that." I roll over and stare up at his ceiling.
"You're so negative, Scarlett. This is why you aren't in a relationship."
I resist the urge to slap Asher. "You know who were hopeless romantics?" I don't give Asher the chance to reply with one of his smart ass comments. "Romeo and Juliet and you know what happened to them because of their over-dependency on each other? They died."
Asher bursts out laughing, agitating me even more. "What's so funny?"
"You." He can barely get the word out because he's laughing so hard. It's not even that funny. "You're so stupid if you think you're going to lose yourself if you pursue something with whoever you are so obviously crushing on. "
"What I never said-"
Fuck he caught me.
"You didn't have to Scarlett. I know we've been friends for only a few weeks now but it's really easy to read you. For someone who's so hell-bent on not letting her past out, your pretty transparent. If you want something or someone I say go for it. Or at the very least admit your feelings. Life's too short not to have what you want or say what you feel. You and I both know that first hand."
I think about what Asher says and he's right. Life is way too short. I've been trying to force myself to ignore the feelings I get whenever I'm around Lucas, dismissing it as mild infatuation because of how attractive he is. But I know it's more than that. As juvenile as it sounds, I think I like Lucas as in like like. Since we conveniently met up at that mechanic garage we've been spending a lot of time together. At first, it was just us meeting up to work on the English project like good partners do and then it slowly shifted to us going out, mainly to eat. Honestly I just think the kid likes to see me eating a real meal. Lucas ends up paying most times even though I insist that I can pay my way.
Lucas and I have gotten closer the past few weeks and I even consider him a friend now, however, at this point I wouldn't mind if he was something more. His asshole tendencies and flirtatious ways that once were super annoying, bother me even less and I even go along with some of the crazy things he says. It's just part of his charm.
I like his company and I really like Lucas. He's undeniably the most attractive guy I've ever personally known and it baffles me that he would want to spend time with me. I'm not drop gorgeous like some of the girls I've seen him with, or twig skinny, or even interesting. I'm a dud compared to those girls.
Lucas does these little things to confuse me like sometimes he'll touch my lower back or tell me I'm beautiful. Sometimes I'll catch him staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking. I know it's all platonic but I can't help feeling something more. I don't know if that's him being real or just him trying to hook up with me. Either way, it's working. Sometimes in class, I catch myself daydreaming about Lucas or wondering about what he has planned for our next hangout session...
Holy Hell.
I'm catching feelings for a guy I just met. Me. Scarlett Carmichael. Queen of shutting people out and keeping people at a distance. I came here to get an education and nothing more. I was so dead set on that, but right now the only thing I want is a certain player with ocean colored eyes and hair as white as snow...
What is he doing to me?
