Diva (Urban)

Sinful

Diva's POV

    Here I was in the local church praying and asking God for help. I ain't been to church in two years. I'm seventeen now.

    I knew it wasn't right to avoid Him like this but everything in my life was out of control. I needed Lee, I needed Donte, I w-wanted Xavier no matter how much I denied it, and I needed ma. But none of them were in my reach.

    I was with Donte while longing for Xavier. I was in church while needing Lee by my side instead of in a hospital bed strapped down so she won't kill her damn self. I was hoping for a more serene peace with my ma while she was out probably getting high after her fake ass apology.

    I knew it wasn't right to walk out on her. But all those years of neglect builds up a thick layer of anger that not even a simple "Sorry," can break through.

    Same for Donte.

    "Please help me through these tribulations..." I muttered, palms together and fingers intertwined with the other.

    I felt a tear fall down my cheeks.

    I was at a crossroads. And it hurt me more that I sensed my selfishness when I should be at Lee's bedside. Jamar was there.

    Maybe this was just the Lord testing me and Lee's faithfulness to our friendship. Maybe Lee didn't pass since she was read to end it all. Maybe I also didn't pass since I was sitting up under Xavier for hours instead of seeing of my best friend was still doing okay.

    I was fucking wrong for that.

    I left the church still praying that everything would eventually smoothen out and headed to the hospital.

    Lee's ma was there but that was it. "Where's the rest of the fam?" I asked trying to lighten the mood.

    She looked at me with eyes that held no emotion. Empty. She was the one who was losing everything.

    "The kids went back home to get some sleep." She said. Yesterday, Lee was admitted to this hospital. Today, she still was here. I didn't know when she'd be out of the damn coma but I was waiting on her.

   Waiting and waiting.