I Hope Love Is... [On Hold]

Fourth Verse

Fourth Verse

Someday I'm going to remember this
perhaps I'll laugh at myself
but right now it's not funny
I feel like crying...

-translated from “Exquisite Torture”
from Future Colors' first mini-album Love/Pain

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Minha kicked at random piles of sand as he stalked off down the beach, and almost stumbled over his own feet, since he was wearing flip-flops to match the tropical beach outfit—a loose shirt patterned with orange hibiscus open over a white tank top and matching loose boardshorts-- that he was still wearing. The hems of his boardshorts were still dripping seawater. Resentment clenched his heart in an angry fist. He fought back the tears that welled up in his eyes, but some of them got through.

Why does Manager Oh always have to rake up everything? 

Every time I do something that he disapproves of, he always cites it as an example of my irresponsibility, my selfishness and rudeness, my failure to take into account the feelings of others, my failure to take care of not only my public image but the images of my bandmates who must necessarily be dragged into it because we're bandmates. As a reason why I am never good enough.

“Do you think your talent is enough? Do you think that just because the fans keep saying that they love your voice, that your voice is enough? Not in this industry! Your antics only prove that you lack the attitude that is essential in becoming a well-loved idol and national icon. Go on, keep it up. I suppose you must want Future Colors to fail. You think you're 'safe', you're 'established' now? You've only debuted less than two years before and despite the favorable reactions to your songs, do you think you could get through a possible scandal without losing your fans? Huh. Think again. Even Jae-seung was staggered by the scandals he went through. Divinity reigned for more than five years, and yet they still broke up over those scandals. If Jae-seung didn't take his music seriously, he would have disappeared from the industry altogether. It's because of his dedication and hard work that he's still here today. But you... If you're not careful, your attitude will drag the band down with you. Is that fair to your brothers? You should stop being a bad influence and behave! If you don't... well, you wouldn't be a great loss. Future Colors would survive without you!”

At which point Minha had gotten fed up, told him to stuff it, and walked out.

It was a long beach. After he got past the rows of cottages, the sand just got deeper and stretched on and on, past more palm trees and shrubs and other trees and tall grasses. Finally, he stopped for breath, bending over and wheezing and wiping the tears from his eyes with angry jerks of his hand.

“I thought I'd never catch up to you!”

Slowly, angrily, disbelievingly, he looked behind him. Bea, clutching a bottle of water in one hand and her flip-flops in the other, was floundering through the sand in his wake. She came up to him, gasping, and he turned to face her.

“Why did you follow me?” he asked.

She held out the bottle wordlessly, then laid a hand on her chest, trying to catch her breath.

“You followed me all this way just to give me that?”

“Manang Mia sent me to give all of you some water, but you ran off before I could give you yours.” She peered hesitantly at him. “Are you okay?”

“Do I look like I'm okay?” He took the water. “Thanks.”

She watched him silently as he drank the water, and tried to get his emotions under control.