I Hope Love Is... [On Hold]

Thirtieth Verse

Thirtieth Verse

Knowing that I love you

makes my heart happy

knowing that you don't love me

makes my heart sad...

-translated from "Exquisite Torture"

from Future Colors' first mini-album Love/Pain

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"Yeobo?" Manong Jay came out of his study and looked around. "Bebeh, where's Mia?"

Bea, coming downstairs from her room after changing out of her school clothes, opened her mouth to answer but was forestalled by Manang Mia, who came out of the kitchen.

"What is it, yeobo?" Manang Mia asked.

Manong Jay answered in Korean. Bea, not understanding a word of the resulting conversation, continued down the stairs and headed for the kitchen, but Manang Mia called her back.

"Beh, could you go to the studio and ask the boys to come here, please?"

"Okay, Manang," Bea answered. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

The studio door was closed. However, it opened as she reached for the doorknob, and Minha stepped out, cheerfully talking over his shoulder to whoever was inside. Bea stared at him and inhaled, preparing to deliver Manang Mia's message.

Should I smile? He might think I'm mad at him. Maybe I should smile. Show him I'm okay...

The polite smile died on her lips, though, when Minha turned around and saw her. And just stood there and stared at her without saying anything.

She mustered up the courage to speak, but her mouth wouldn't form the words.

Jungkyu, following Minha out, broke the silence.

"Oh, Bea! What is it?"

Minha turned and walked off. Bea, released from paralysis, gave Jungkyu the message. Jungkyu stuck his head back in the studio and called the other three.

Bea trailed behind them back to the house.

Fine, he's still mad at me.

Fiiiine.

See if I care.

"Why should I make the first move?" she'd often heard her friends and classmates say. "I'm the girl. He's the guy. He's the one who should make amends. It's not for me to make the first move." And the other girls would chime in. "You're right, girl. Keep your self-respect. Make him make the first move. Don't do anything."