[2] Begin Again

53 - Just A Tad Bit Of A Wardrobe Malfunction

53 - Just A Tad Bit Of A Wardrobe Malfunction

“You okay?” Zayn asked as he got his arm around my shoulders. I smiled vaguely at him while gulping the cereal down my throat. It did not taste much, but I had to eat to keep suspicions over my health at bay. I was not physically hurt, but I felt emotionally wrecked. It had been a couple of days since I had called it a day with Tom, and I had laid low, not feeling up for anything. Laura and Zayn had gone out on their own, with me staying inside my room moping but pretending to be alright when they came knocking in.

“You look like shit,” Laura deadpanned as she walked up to me, narrowing her eyes at me. She grabbed a hold of my chin and raised my head to face her. She pursed her lips and then sighed defeated. “You should just tell us what really happened so you can move on from it. Saying you just had some differences with Tom is not an explanation. And we did leave you that day, we gave you some space. You owe us an explanation,” she complained.

“Yeah. And why are you avoiding Niall?” Zayn asked and I felt a pang in my chest. “He called last night, asking about you,” he explained when I looked up to him, with furrowed eyebrows.

“He-he did?” I questioned in a low voice. I bit my bottom lip and looked back down to my cereal, exhaling as Tom’s hurt expression hit me full force once again, just like it had been doing this past week. His image had been haunting me. And even if I had not felt guilty when hanging out with Niall, now that I was done with Tom, his hurt expression followed me around and I was sure it would continue and be even worse if I was with Niall. That was something I just could not deal with at the moment.

“Yes, Kay, he did. Now, could you please tell us what’s wrong?” Zayn urged as his grip on my shoulders tightened so he could get my attention. I looked up to him and he stared at me with expectant eyes, raising his eyebrows in urgency. I knew he was worried, since I had always been so overly excited over this trip to London and over everything I would do when being here. I had never expected things to get so messed up, though.

I sighed deeply as I prepared myself for the whirlwind of emotions. Maybe I had held onto what had happened with Tom for too long. I did need to let it all out, and right now that it was only the three of us seemed to be a good time to do it, so…why not?

I let out a defeated sigh and Zayn only gazed even more intently at me, as Laura briefly glanced at me from the other side of the kitchen. Just as I was about to start, a phone cut through the tainting silence that reigned in the place. “Sorry, it’s Johnny. I’ll be right back,” Laura apologized as she scurried away, thinking anything related to Tom could send me in overdrive. And it could.

“And she was the most eager one to know what had happened,” I scoffed in a mutter as I gazed at her hurrying figure down the hallway and then out of my sight.

“Alright, now that it’s just the two of us, will you please talk to me?” Zayn pleaded as he looked into my eyes, getting me to look away from the now empty hallway.

I blinked a couple of times to get myself out of the daze. I only gulped to get my dry throat to work again and snaked my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me, in search for reassurance. He quickly followed suit, understanding what I was searching for, hugging me tightly as I just stared vacantly behind him feeling how his warmth calmed me down.

“I’m a terrible person,” I finally mumbled, half hoping he had not heard anything. I was terrified that this new discovery about me would make him walk away from me. I was sure I wanted to walk away from myself. Unluckily for me, it was not possible. What I had one to Tom was quite selfish, just using him so I did not feel alone because Niall had someone else. I had hurt a sweet boy, and intentionally. What did that say of me? What had I become?!