The Painter's Amour

His Silver Eyes

Chapter 24: His Silver Eyes

"I see these lights, every time I look into your eyes. It crosses my heart, and makes me feel in love." – Jason Engay

Julian Hartwell

Commitment. It was an easiest thing to say and a pleasant word to hear when you are in love, yet for me it was a sour sound to listen to and the hardest thing to do. It was an oath between faithful lovers though it was not for someone who had more than one person in their heart.

It was both the sincerest and cruelest promise in this world.

In commitment, there come many things such as happiness and unfaithfulness. It defines in different meanings however, in the very end, it bears only one significance and that was dedicating oneself entirely to something or to someone.

But how can I do it if my heart was divided into two?

Torn in between two people both dear to me, two men that complete the pieces of my life – how can I dedicate myself whole to each and both of them?

"It is impossible." I said to myself as I stood here in one of the open balconies of the Scarfone's estate mansion.

The beautiful parterre garden in front of me was a sight to see tonight. Tall hedges and tea trees embellished most of the area on the ground below with few statues of chess pieces and a large Gazebo built in the middle of the garden, all of these things adorned the back garden of this manor.

This was the first time I saw it despite being in this house for quite some time before.

"What is it, the impossible you're talking about?" a manly voice mumbled into the back of my ear and sweet shivers instantly ran through my veins.

"It is nothing, Lucas." I replied just when a champagne glass of red wine appeared before my eyes, "Care to drink with me?" he inquired though I pushed his arm away gently as I shook my head in mute refusal.

"It's still a little early, do you want to eat something?" he stood beside me after placing down the glasses on the stoned deck and I shook my head in refusal again.

I resumed on watching the scenery outside from the second floor balcony while I was waiting for Dante's birthday celebration to start. I also continued to search the words that I will tell him without hurting him in any way although I doubt it – I don't want to hurt him because I still love him.

"Who will you choose?" Lucas asked all of a sudden.

I turned to look at him confused. "If he ask you to choose from me and him, who will it be?" he stared straight to the gathering of people inside the hall behind us, not meeting my eyes like he was hesitant to see if the answer was already in there or not.

"I don't know." I replied as turned to look back at the garden again.

"I can't choose. I am not ready to choose. I don't want to choose." I paused in between phrases, wallowing in the painful battle I had in my heart.

I want them both, I care for them both, I desire for them both and I love them both so much but I don't want to let go of one of them, I can't lose one of them and I hate to hurt one of them.

How can I choose when they were both precious to me?

"Please don't make me choose I beg of you." I pleaded in distress while holding both my hands in a harsh grip but my body gradually eased when he hugged me from behind, his forehead against my shoulder.

"I am not however there will come a time when things will make you decide who you want to be with the most. I just want you to know that I will always wish only the happiness for you even it means I won't be the one who will give it..." his arms tightened around me in desperation – his immense desperate need to be strong for me.