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Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved © Red Lady Nelle

The Painter's Amour

"I write you a letter that begins with I love you and ends with I love you, and somewhere in the middle is one goodbye for every hurt." - Patricia Smith


The sound of wedding bells resonating throughout the cathedral, along with the chattering and giggling noises were all filled with excitement. The blinding sunlight was peeking through the huge stained glass window of the cathedral and was planting warmness on the altar below. The sight was so unfathomable and perfect. There were silver white roses decorated in every pillar of the cathedral hall, giving purity and innocence ambiance around us with a long traditional but alluring red carpet welcoming everyone attending.

Countless important guests arrived in the cathedral dressed in their own decent and formal attires which were specifically reserved for this precious day. The cathedral benches were now crowded with familiar people seen seated in the wooden pew in front whereas they would look at me with cheerful smiles in them as if they were silently congratulating me but I knew better so I looked away.

Black English suit was my chosen attire as I stood nearby the altar all ready and prepared. I committed glances on my gold wristwatch now and then to release the nervousness in me or perchance something else. Then, palpably, all my discomfort disappeared the moment the cathedral organ played.

Everyone seemed to fathom the time as they all went silent on their seats before eagerly waiting to behold the wonderful ceremony in front of their impatient eyes. And soon the long awaited ceremony began.

The stunning melody of the piano organ failed to distract me from staring intensely on the solid surface of the wooden entrance door. I couldn't ease the fast beating heart inside me knowing that he was now on the other side of that door. My mind briefly took note of my appearance and hastily searched for some inappropriateness in it but gladly I found none. My ocean blue eyes immediately darted back on the entrance door upon hearing it slowly creaking open.

A lump then suddenly was trap in my throat but I instantly swallowed it back with an inaudible groan slipping out of my dry mouth, with my hands remaining restrained behind me in a balled fist as I purposely ignored the increasing sweats building inside them. However, all my uneasiness instantly dwindled once I lay my eyes on the bridegroom.

He was the most beautiful person I had ever cast my eyes upon. He was dressed in a pure white suit which was shimmering against the chasm of sunlit from the open door as he stepped inside the hall, holding a bouquet of white roses in his hands. His enticing blonde hair continued to dance along the wind smoothly, thus showing the world how soft it was. He was walking graciously on the red carpet as if he was an angel sent to bless this place and just by staring at him made the world around me disappear.

I felt my breath ceased from the bewitching handsomeness before me but I can't help it. This was the man my heart was beating for and the man I will continue to love forever. There was an amiable smile drawn in his pink petal lips so kissable that I was always helplessly tempted to kiss it. His bright silver eyes never failed to always pierce my soul and they were clouded with tears of joy in it. He was so happy that he couldn't contain his tears at bay that it ended up escaping his eyes no matter how much he tried to hold it back.

I'm happy too. I'm happy because he is happy. His happiness is all that matters to me, I promised.

After what it seemed like an eternity, he already came in front of me with a priceless smile in his lips despite the tears that continued to flow down his face.

"Dante," he called to me, not knowing else what to say, to which I smiled back at. I needed no words to hear but my name only and it was enough. I proceeded to wipe the tears off his face with my thumb, caressing the skin with so much love and tender.

"Julian," I replied.

I wanted to compliment him and tell him how he means the world to me but somehow the words didn't build. Hence without further words to say, I took his hand in mine and sparks ran through my entire body at the warmth I felt in them. But, unfortunately, the sparks didn't ease the slowly breaking sensation in my chest. The broken thing that had been bleeding endlessly inside me.

I turned around with his hand still in mine and that was when an immense pang of pain struck me like a knife deep into my core and right through my heart.

"Thank you, Dante," my beloved whispered to me before I gave his hand to the man standing next to the priest. I died again for the thousandth time inside as I saw him take Julian's hand away from me.

The hand that was meant for me to hold, he took it away.

I couldn't muster even congratulatory words because of the aching heartbreak that hurt me whole so ruthlessly. A disguised smile was all I could make as I watched them walked in front of the cathedral reredos. I simply returned back to my seat among the male attendants in the front row knowing I didn't have a place with him in the same altar.

After all, I was not the groom my beloved chose.

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