DOUBT

Chapter 13 - Act

Act

"5 more minutes, please finish your paper as quickly as you can." The invigilator spoke, breaking the silence of the room.

Really? Focus Ezzah! It always happens. Why must they panic us by pretending to be a timer? It disrupts my concentration. I start to write at a faster pace than earlier. Someone might as well confuse me to The Flash, but then again, everyone has charged up already. Maybe they all are meta-humans. That will be so cool- focus, Ezzah! Wrong timing.

I am at the last short question, thank you, Allah, although I am losing the curves of my writing, maybe some words too yet I might as well survive this.

"That's it, put down your pencils. The time is up." I heard as I wrote the last word of my answer.

"Finally!" I let exhaled as if I was not breathing for a while. I give the sheet to the invigilator, and she leers. She thinks I am going to flunk because I was not never present in her class, well mentally. It was history, who even likes history when all they talk about dates and not the outcomes, but she can guess again because I might suck at remembering dates, but that is why I did the questions, which considered the incidents.

She has been the Angelica Pickles of my semester, but I am free now, and she can do nothing about it, I thought, swinging up my backpack on my shoulder.

I was walking out of the classroom towards the elevator section when I realized that if mom had been with us right now, she would have been the first person I would have called. I miss her. There are not a lot of people who get me. Sure Pamir and dad get me but, Pamir ends up giving me logical solutions, which annoys me even more. I am not dumb, I know what to do, its the emotional support I require, and dad is just awkward with emotions.

Mama, why is she calling? Does she remember?

"As-Salam Alaikum mama, is everything okay?" My instinct spoke before normalcy.

"Yes, everything is fine. How was your paper?" I heard her reply. She does remember!

"I was good. How are you?" I question as I press the elevator's button.

"I am fine. How is Pamir?" She has asked this question so many times, yet the answer was the same. Things really haven't changed. I know he is acting as if he is fine, but he is not.

"Pamir is trying to be strong," I replied as I entered the metal box, lying my way out from the gravity of her question.

"That he is." At least she is acknowledging someone's efforts.

"I know." I agreed as he leaned against the cold wall behind me.

There was silence between us for a few seconds, and I was not sure why? I had nothing to say to her though I wanted to say something, anything. Yet this is how it felt when I talked to mama. It felt empty. I was marked, scarred so much that I feel nothing, no affection for her. I love her, obviously, I do. Mama is my mother, but I do not know if I want to love her because I feel nothing when I look at her, and I feel guilty that I feel nothing, not even hurt. I did not know I was crying until I started sniffing.

"I was thinking of coming to your house today. If it's okay?" I heard her, but I guess she did not overhear me. Maybe she was aloof to it or, she just did not care, but it does not matter.

It did, but now it doesn't. I could hear my subconscious scream otherwise.

"You don't have to ask me. You know you can." I uttered as I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand.

"Okay, that will be great. I will come later, maybe this afternoon." She continued as I nodded absentmindedly, knowing that she is not here.

"Okay," I whispered, and she paused. The elevator stopped on the 5th floor as the red light blinked on the screen.