Diary of a College Senior

Oct 12 - Nobody knows WTH they want to do.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

It feels like the closer we head toward graduation, the less certain everyone is about what they want to do with their lives.

Just the other day, Addie told me during our class break that she is having some kind of quarter-life crises.

"I don't think I want to work in this," she half-cried half-whined to me, "It's so hard for me to focus on homework now that I think I might want to work in interior design."

"Really?" I replied, surprised. Addie was so focused on her courses last year that I never thought she would have second thoughts. "Well, what do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know. I might just get a diploma but at the same time, I don't want to." She mused and looked down at her shoes, "I just feel like I don't want to spend any more money going to school."

I understood her dilemma because I went through a similar period last year. It is a crappy feeling, not knowing what it is that you want, or are meant to do with your life.

Stella also seems to be having similar problems. In fact, she is giving off the vibes of a wannabe-artist stuck in a program with a bunch of computer nerds.

"Why are you even in this?" I asked when she complained to me for the billionth time about how she can't do her coding homework.

"Yeah, why am I?" She said to herself as if realizing it for the first time.

"You are always raving about some fancy Instagram artist's online store you just found, I don't think it's in your heart to be a coder."

"Yeah, I guess I have always wanted to open an art store or something." She admitted sheepishly.

"I think you do too." I said, "And I also think you should dedicate yourself to one or the other soon, or you will be stuck in-between."

In fact, up in the research team's office, a similar story is unfolding amongst the graduate students.

Matz, who shares the same office room with me and whom I look up to as a kind older brother, started off aiming for a Ph.D. However, he then decided it was too much and changed it to a second masters instead. He will finish it in December and is now on the hunt for a job.

My other office-mate, Craig, does not even know what he wants to do when he finishes his masters in a year's time. Actually, I don't think he is the type to care much, as he seems to be more interested in partying and getting drunk on Friday nights most days. I guess in a way ignorance is bliss.