Instead of Me

∆10∆

"I don't want to fight anymore, Finn. I miss my best friend. If it bothers you so much, I won't talk about Heath with you. I know it probably bothers you that I have to share my time with you now. I'll do my best to split it equally. I just know that we're dragging this fight out too long." Annie hung her head low as she sat on the floor in front of me with her legs crossed.

That's not really the true reason I'm so upset, Annie, I said in my head. But I couldn't say that out loud, especially since she was trying to make up.

After three and a half more days of fighting over my stupid feelings for her and her feelings for Heath, we missed each other too much. If I couldn't have Annie as mine, then I still want her as a friend. She must have thought somewhere along the same lines because after school on Friday, she came over wanting to talk about it.

I ran my fingers through my curls, leaning over and resting my elbows on my knees. "I agree, Annie. This whole thing has been stupid and. . ." Do it, Finn. Tell her how you feel. Right now would be fine, before she gets too attached to Heath. Annie looked at me expectantly. "I don't know," I said, rubbing my face tiredly.

Annie rubbed the top of my hands, speeding up my heart rate. "Here's an idea. We were all invited to Katherine's party, right?"

I shook my head, knowing where this was going. "Annie, I'm not much of a party guy anymore. You know this." She wanted to get all dolled up, go to this party, and hang out with Heath.

"Finn, I know, but it could be a fun time where you, me, and Heath can hang out. Then, we can call it even." She put on the voice she used when she was trying to convince me to break up with Riley junior year.

"What, so that I can third wheel while you and Heath hang out, cuddling on the couch?" I shook my head. I was willing to compromise my time with Annie, but share it completely? That was another thing.

Annie threw herself back against the chair. "No, that's not what I meant," she tried explaining, exasperated. "I just meant that maybe if the three of us hung out, you guys might start getting along. Who knows, maybe you might like him, Finn." She could tell that I still wasn't won over. "Plus, Kat is going to be there," she added, raising her eyebrows.

"So?"

Annie huffed out a breath. "So, Finn," she emphasized my name, slightly annoyed, "when was the last time you hung out with a girl that wasn't me?"

She had a point, but I didn't want to be with another girl. I wanted to be with her. "C'mon. Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you have to try and find me a girlfriend, Annie."

"That's not what I'm trying to do. Please don't think that. But be honest with me. Was Riley the last girl you were with?" She was starting to get into her solid argument mode. She would win this fight eventually, but I was not about to give in yet.

"In a relationship with? Yes." I wasn't lying. However, I never told her about the first month or so after Riley and I broke up, before Annie and I reconciles. I was on a weird high, sleeping with one girl after another. They were all from different schools, so Annie never really had a chance to find out. It wasn't something I was proud of and I never wanted her to have to find out.

She cocked her head to the side. "What does that mean?" I didn't answer her. "Finn, we're best friends. We tell each other everything."

Not everything.

"Okay," I replied, drawing out the word, trying to get my thoughts together. How would I say this? "It's true that I haven't dated anyone since Riley." I pursed my lips and crossed my arms, trying to figure out how to be careful. "But before we made up, you and I. . ."