Instead of Me

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Annie seemed to forget that she had been mad at me since her recital. However, my anger only grew, causing my cheeks to feel hot as I clenched my fists until my knuckles turned white. I couldn't let her know I was mad about her and Heath, though. My brain made stretches to figure out excuses to be frustrated with her, only causing me to look like a complete jerk.

"What's wrong, Finny?" Annie asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. She sat down across from me at our lunch table, setting her tray down in front of her. The cafeteria's lunch looked like puppy chow and my stomach turned. "I didn't see you this morning before first period."

My jaw clenched as I noticed Heath walking into the cafeteria, a grin plastered on his face. "I was too busy trying to find someone who would give me notes for the physics test since you never sent them to me despite my calls and texts about it," I lied. I hated myself for acting so selfishly towards Annie. I truly had no right to be so irate with her, but my emotions were getting the best of me. 

Her body language changed. Her shoulders slumped and she frowned. "I'm sorry, Finn. I just never had time to take pictures of them for you." Annie was definitely lying. She simply didn't want to admit that she had been giving me the silent treatment all weekend because of my assumptions about her dance number.

I let out a fake laugh as I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the red cafeteria table. "It's fine. It doesn't matter anyway," I said passive aggressively. "I probably would have failed it even with the notes." I started standing up.

Heath sat down next to Annie and pecked her on the cheek. I wanted so badly to believe that the smile on his face was smug. It would have made me feel better about my desire to punch him straight in the nose. Unfortunately, it was completely, absolutely, positively innocent. Sometimes, he seemed so naive. How on earth did he believe me when I assured him I was fine with him dating Annie? He was head over heels in love with Annie, and anyone could tell, and that probably blocked his brain from working properly. 

Annie pulled away from Heath and stared at me with a disgusted expression on her face. "What has gotten into you all of a sudden, Finn?" Her nostrils flared. 

"Nothing," I murmured under my breath, grabbing my backpack from the ground. I started making my way towards the exit. I needed a cigarette, badly. My fingers were itching to hold one.

"No, Finn. Something is obviously wrong." Her voice rose and I heard her get up to follow me, but I just kept on walking. 

Please don't follow me, I begged in my head. If she tried to talk to me, it was for sure going to end in a fight, and I didn't want that at all. I just wanted to leave, collect my thoughts, and fix everything between us. Annie may be in the midst of choosing Heath, but I could never let us not be best friends. I would rather die.

"Finn!" Annie yelled once we were in the hallways, the doors completely shut behind us. I kept walking away. "Finn Robertson, you listen to me right now!" 

I spun around on my heels, her demanding voice striking me to the core. She was definitely angry now. She rarely ever talked so strictly. Her arms were crossed and her face was flushed. I knew that I should be scared of her frustration, but all I wanted to do was hold her red cheeks in my hands and kiss her. That's what would happen in the movies. But this was real life. 

"What do you want from me, Annie?" I said as calmly as I could. I held my hands out in front of me in surrender. "What do you want from me? We have been best friends since I can remember, and once this stupid Heath guy comes around and shows interest in you, you completely drop everything you're doing and all of our usual plans to hang out with him! Do you expect me to be happy about that, Annie? It's like I never see you anymore. We both know I'm not the most pleasant person to be around and that you're the only real friend I have. It really really sucks that you suddenly don't have anymore time for me!" By this time, I was yelling. Students in the cafeteria started peering through the windows of the doors. "I know it's selfish, Annie, but it really sucks."