Roommates

19. Sofira

He was too close and that was dangerous.

What the hell was going on with me?

It felt like everything was falling apart yet super glued together at the same time. And Dylan was the glue.
Feelings of safety and warmth coexisted with anxiety and a chill that went straight to the bones in the midst of summer.
It was a very strange feeling indeed, and honestly I didn't know what to do about it so I did the thing I did best. Ignore it. Turn a blind eye. Pretend it was non existent. Problem solved right?
Yet I thought of what mum and Lia had been going on about for the last few months; they didn't push but they did encourage me a lot to open up again. But it was hard. Very hard.

I had sworn I would never date again.

I remember seeing my stomach being stitched up. I remember the nurse trying to comfort me while examining my naked body, she was amazed I didn't have more cuts from the glass. I remember the sirens and lights. I remember my mum in hysterics. I remember dad flying over. I remember the look of horror and regret on Natalia's face.

But worst of all I remember him and his hatred of me.

It twisted his face and caused his once sweet mouth to spew words of hate instead of love, it made his hands inflict pain instead of comfort.

It's amazing how one that claims to love can be so
cruel.

I don't know how Dylan did it. How did he make me feel so...safe? I liked it a lot yet at the same time I hated it.

Feelings of safety always came before pain.

I had learnt it the hard way and I sure as hell didn't need a second lesson.

I needed him out of my head. I needed to focus on studies, not boys.

I would say men but a boy is not a man until he proves it.

But this boy intrigued me. There was something about him. I was so drawn towards him. His cocky attitude and smirk caused many to over look his sad eyes. I wanted to see them happy. I wanted to know him better. But it was like a fire. If I got too close I'd spring backwards, no one wants to get burnt.

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Lunch was pleasant yet Dylan looked very tense and I swear I heard his knuckles crack at one point. He laughed and joined in on our lighthearted conversation but his eyes gave everything away. They were so sad and I figured this place reminded him of something bad so I ate quickly and suggested we get some doughnuts at the airport for desert. Mum loves doughnuts plus it was sort of a tradition too, whenever we went to the airport we ALWAYS ate doughnuts.

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Mums trip went way too fast and before we knew it we were saying our goodbyes and we cried as usual.

I sniffled and watched Dylan and mum hug and she said something to him and he gave her a smile and small nod. I hugged mum a second time and cried harder as she went to board her flight. I suck at goodbyes.

We waited around so we could see mums plane take off and I felt Dylan was uncomfortable with me crying and felt him put an arm awkwardly around my shoulders. I tensed involuntary and I know he felt it since he jerked his arm slightly before I decided I wanted a hug and decided to fuck it and let the whole don't-get-too-close-to-Dylan thing slide for now.

Being in his arms felt so right and I could tell he was comfortable too since he rested his cheek on my head.

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"What do you want for dinner firehead?"

"I'm not hungry Dylan, but I'll cook since you cooked the entire weekend." I sniffled

"No I'll cook, I don't fancy eating food that's seasoned with snot firehead." He laughed as I threw him a halfhearted glare before laughing myself.

The rest of the night was pretty quiet and we kept to ourselves. We ate and I went to bed early after watching Dylan play on his ps4 for a bit.

Kayhatielyn   is writing Sofira :)