Infinite - Jake T. Austin Love Story

32: Switch

Without hesitation, he grabs me firmly by my hips and lifts me off the ground before exiting the bathroom as quickly as he can. My body is laid down on his bed whilst he's hovering right above me. His hands cup my neck once again, and he dives in for a kiss. The spark from the first time he and I shared our kiss returned immediately, and I feel myself smile.

However, after a few moments, I feel myself begin to worry. His hands begin to lower, and I immediately use my arms to guard my chest from reflex. His hands slowly lift them off, pinning me down onto his mattress. The rush of Quinn's dirty hands frighten me, and my breath accelerates. "Ja - Jake," I arch my back to lift my body off the bed, trying to remove his lips off of mine.

His lips depart mine almost right away, and I back away from him, touching the backboard of the mattress. "I - I'm sorry. I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" his voice seems confused, not knowing why I pulled away from him.

*
Point of View: Jake T. Austin
*

Her head touches the backboard of my bed, her eyes widened with fear and her arms are shaking.

"Every single time I - I see -" she tries to lace her sentences, but it won't make a coherent thought. Then, it hit me.

I'm stupid as hell.

"I want to kiss you so badly, but I just can't. I shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be scared to kiss you, but I am," she covers her face, her face flush with red. I feel my heart break slowly as I see her begin to break down. Her breathing staggers every few moments, and I feel like an asshole now trying to kiss her. I should have realized sooner that she isn't ready. Not with her mind being occupied.

"His dirty hands flash through my mind every single time. It's terrible to see, and I - I just want that to disappear," her hands are removed from her head, and she finally looks up at me. "I want to remove all those images - those stupid regretful moments," her tears are flushing down her face before her voice screams a soft whisper, "It's so hard, Jake." She continues to sob, and I feel the darkness inside her mind begin to take over her body like the first time I talked to her inside my car. I feel the pain slap me across the face; the feeling of my sadness long ago disappears and is replaced by this. Her pain and hatred right now is so evident that the room seems to suffocate not only her, but me.

Until she says this: "I - I just want - I should just disappear for -"

I immediately crawl towards her, not wanting her to finish this statement. "Baby, hey don't say that," I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her close, "Don't you ever say that. I need you in my life."

She stops speaking, but I know better than that. She's screaming inside her mind, trying to hide the pain inside her heart. "Just scream it out, baby," I encourage her. It isn't healthy for her to hide all this pain inside of her. "Let me know how much you're hurting. I need to know what's going on."

"I want it to disappear."

It.

I remain quiet.

"I - I need you Jake. I need you," her nails pierce my skin, showing me the tension that's running inside of her. I remain still, trying to hide the pain she is inflicting on me with her nails. I need to show her that I'm here to protect her.

"I need to know that you don't hate me. That I'm not as pathetic as I feel. I'm so fucking worthless I just -"

"Babe - baby," I run my hand through her hair, "You're anything but worthless." Her eyes have been red and tired for days now, the bags evident under her eyes. She's finally staring at me without looking away, and I take this opportunity to wipe the tears falling down her cheeks, and her lips are in a frown. "I'm sorry," she states out of nowhere. I use my index finger to touch her lips closed, and her eyes glossy with water just stare at me, waiting for me to speak.